Tag Archives: satire

Going Postal on the Male Man

Perhaps you have heard that California Governor Jerry Brown recently signed AB1266 into law, giving the state’s K through 12 students the right “to participate in sex-segregated programs, activities and facilities”–yes, facilities–based on their ‘sexual self-perception’ and regardless of their birth gender.  Not wanting to be left out of the future litigation storm, Massachusetts issued a similar directive.

Gov. Brown sees this as a landmark decision for transgender Americans and all lawyers in general, as it will help reduce bullying since an eighth-grade boy who chooses to use an elementary-school’s female restroom will be treated as completely normal.  You remember Mr. Brown.  Besides being the star of a Dr. Seuss story who able to moo and quack like a duck, Continue reading →

Am I Racist if I Don’t Use Colored Pencils or I Do?

Pardon my provocative controversy, but I think I have decided to ditch my mild-mannered nine-to-five job and venture into the much more lucrative racism industry.  Instigators like Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson (not to mention 24-hr news channels) are pulling in some serious coinage by simply pointing out the oppressive nature of systems or depictions or incidents based entirely on race and/or the color of one’s skin.  The Rev. Al Sharpton has reportedly amassed a net worth of about $5 million by telling us how oppressed he is; Jesse Jackson, $10 million.

Not to toot my own proverbial ‘cracker-ass’ horn, but I could totally do that.  While I may lack certain qualifications like not being a ‘Reverend’ or having a love child, I do have the ability to distinguish races and colors and can point out when one is being intolerably differentiated from another. Continue reading →

Mr. TIM Goes to Washington

It appears that winter is finally over here in Minnesota.  You can tell because all the east-west roads are under construction.  So to recap, you can’t leave your home in the winter because of all the snow and you can’t leave your home in the summer because the infrastructure looks like the set of Transformers 6.  It’s time to move.  But where?  Based on what I’ve seen in the news lately, the natural choice is Washington.  That is, Washington State, not Washington Den of Cheekiness.

“Why is that?” you ask in dumbfounded awestruck envy.  Well, this past week Washington State passed a 475-page piece of legislation implementing state-wide gender-inclusive language, finally completing a six-year, multi-gazillion dollar effort to remove any and all societal political incorrectness and enforcing a much more inoffensive and tolerant androgyny amongst its citizenry. Continue reading →

Sicky Sicky Two-by-Four

In a controversial decision last week, the AMA (the American Medical Association, not the Amarillo International Airport, nor the Academy of Model Aeronautics, nor the text lingo for ‘Ask Me Anything’) declared obesity as a medical disease, making it kinda like cancer or HIV except that it’s not.   Perhaps you are old enough to remember that the AMA was opposed to Medicare, then opposed to cuts in Medicare, then opposed to universal health care under Clinton, then opposed to opposition of universal health care under Obama.

In a related story, the AMA’s preferred footwear is flip-flops.

Perhaps what makes this decision controversial is that it is so stupid. Continue reading →

The Bill of Rights (21st Century Version)

Amendment I

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion other than scientific atheism, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof excepting the use of prayer, public worship, or other activity that does not fall under the sacred canopy of inclusivity and/or tolerance; or abridging the freedom of speech as long as said speech does not include references to the above protected religions, is in line with politically correct conventional wisdom, does not refer in any manner to Amendment II below, and is stated clearly such that it can be secretly monitored and stored for future use as necessary; or freedom of that portion of the press that paints favored governmental powers in a positive light; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble as long as such assemblies are not in the proximity of ranking government officials, the Bilderberg Group, or the G8, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances with the full knowledge that such grievances will be promptly ignored to the fullest extent of the law unless the agenda of presiding governmental powers be preserved. Continue reading →