Am I Racist if I Don’t Use Colored Pencils or I Do?

Pardon my provocative controversy, but I think I have decided to ditch my mild-mannered nine-to-five job and venture into the much more lucrative racism industry.  Instigators like Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson (not to mention 24-hr news channels) are pulling in some serious coinage by simply pointing out the oppressive nature of systems or depictions or incidents based entirely on race and/or the color of one’s skin.  The Rev. Al Sharpton has reportedly amassed a net worth of about $5 million by telling us how oppressed he is; Jesse Jackson, $10 million.

Not to toot my own proverbial ‘cracker-ass’ horn, but I could totally do that.  While I may lack certain qualifications like not being a ‘Reverend’ or having a love child, I do have the ability to distinguish races and colors and can point out when one is being intolerably differentiated from another. Continue reading

Let the Hunger Games Begin…

Nothing is as cavernous and infinite as a teenage gullet — except perhaps the national debt or hell or Lindsay Lohan‘s rap sheet. That is why when my 100-pound high-school daughter, Thing 1, came home from school a couple of weeks ago complaining that she wasn’t getting enough food in her school lunch, I chalked it up to her daily penchant for consuming twice her body weight in Fritos.

But then I saw in the gnus that there has been nationwide backlash by students all across the country, thus defining ‘nationwide’. Continue reading