Am I Racist if I Don’t Use Colored Pencils or I Do?

Pardon my provocative controversy, but I think I have decided to ditch my mild-mannered nine-to-five job and venture into the much more lucrative racism industry.  Instigators like Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson (not to mention 24-hr news channels) are pulling in some serious coinage by simply pointing out the oppressive nature of systems or depictions or incidents based entirely on race and/or the color of one’s skin.  The Rev. Al Sharpton has reportedly amassed a net worth of about $5 million by telling us how oppressed he is; Jesse Jackson, $10 million.

Not to toot my own proverbial ‘cracker-ass’ horn, but I could totally do that.  While I may lack certain qualifications like not being a ‘Reverend’ or having a love child, I do have the ability to distinguish races and colors and can point out when one is being intolerably differentiated from another. Continue reading →

Let the Hunger Games Begin…

Nothing is as cavernous and infinite as a teenage gullet — except perhaps the national debt or hell or Lindsay Lohan‘s rap sheet. That is why when my 100-pound high-school daughter, Thing 1, came home from school a couple of weeks ago complaining that she wasn’t getting enough food in her school lunch, I chalked it up to her daily penchant for consuming twice her body weight in Fritos.

But then I saw in the gnus that there has been nationwide backlash by students all across the country, thus defining ‘nationwide’. Continue reading →