The Best of TIM’s Best of 2016

Happy New Year!  Wow, have these twelve months gone by quicker than a Rick Perry presidential run or what?!  I guess it’s true what they say: Time flies when you can’t remember.  Hence, what follows is my tippy-top Timmy picks for the past year, which I relate as part archival documentation, part suggestive recommendation, part award-winning compilation, and part Tom Cruise starring in Rogue Nation.  So sans additional adieu, I give you the third annual

Best of TIM’s Best of 2016 (with pictures and everything)

And the winners are (in no particular order except alphabetical)… Continue reading

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Nostalgia Ain’t What It Used to Be

Prolific congratulatory offerings are in order for the conTIMplating household!  My extraordinarily talented and formerly red-headed daughter, Thing 2, graduated from high school last week!  Thank you. Thank you very much.  That’s one reason I haven’t posted in a while.  I’ve been busier than Josh Earnest after Obama goes off teleprompter.  This is because as the end of the senior year approaches, everything leading up to graduation is The Last One:  The Last choir concert; The Last theater performance; The Last prom; The Last suspension; etc.  And being the good parent I am I felt I should be there for The Last One.  I can’t just sit around and blog or go out and play golf and miss The Last One like it was The Second-to-Last One.  Well, maybe a quick nine.  I can be a little late.

Unlike Thing 1’s graduation, which was highly celebratory in nature, going through the process of graduating my concluding offspring made me a bit nostalgic for the tight-rolled pants and leather ties of my own commencement.  I suppose it was due to the compatible similarities of the two events, detached only by the passage of 30 years:  both were in early June in un-air-conditioned arenas where friends and family sweat it out on bleacher seating; both of us were the youngest in our family to graduate leaving the distinct probability of parental empty nesting; and both were as a member of a quartet of inseparable friends taking part in one last official and emotional milestone together.  (If I knew what an emoji was, I would insert it here.) Continue reading

The Easter Story… As Told by Mr. Donald J. Trump

It’s an on-going Easter-week tradition here at conTIMplating that I present the Easter story in various translative forms to do my best in helping contemporary peoples relate to the ancient and sometimes confusing biblical text.  This year, noticing that a number of people are trading in their Easter bonnets and accompanying frills for a very spring-like red, Chinese-manufactured “Make America Great Again” baseball cap, I decided to reprint this year’s story from the New American Trump Version (NATV).  My apologies for its length, but…you know, it’s not my fault.  So grab yourself a traditional Easter passion-fruit and settle in to read this, the holiest of stories, from the very innumerate Gospel of The Donald… Continue reading

The Chronicles of Hernia

According to a number of movies from the 40s and 50s, Christmas is a warm, wonderful time to gather with loved ones and sing carols, exchange gifts, and eat goodies—much like it was in first-century Palestine. And so, I thought to myself, what more appropriate time  than that of joyous celebratory yuletidiness to have an abdominal mesh inserted into my nether regions?  I went to see my doctor about just such a possibility.

For those unfamiliar, such a mesh is the long-term fix for what is known in medical jargon as a ‘hernia’. For laymen and Jim Fowler fans, a hernia is not a wheezy African dog; that would be a laughing hernia, which are more painful than a coughing hernia but less painful than a sneezing hernia. A medical hernia is Continue reading

The Best of TIM’s Best of 2015

Happy New Year!  Here’s hoping that your arbitrarily chosen day celebrating the interminable passage of time was filled with all the whimsicality such inconsequential festivity deserves!  And what better way to mark such an insignificant festal period than to also mark the best of the best of one’s experiences contained within that very same random twelve month period?!

And so here it is:  the enormously personal and subjective and somewhat recommendary listing of my favorite happenings of the very comma-filled foregoing, that is, previous, year, namely, the second annual

The Best of TIM’s Best of 2015 (see above)

Starting with… Continue reading