Don’t Hate Me For Trying To Spread A Little Hope

Thanks to that bastion of truth, Social Media, it has come to my attention that yesterday (4 Feb) was World Cancer Day—not to be confused with National Cancer Survivors Day which is June 7th or National Cancer Prevention Month which is the entire month of February—not to be confused with Breast Cancer Awareness Month which is October.  We of course are all aware of Breast Cancer Awareness Month because that is the month wherein we dress up to race for cures and men everywhere are adjusting their sets because the NFL looks like Valentine’s sprinkles.

Personally, I think that if we took the millions spent on pink crap every October and actually used it to fund research we would have had a cure years ago, but…then we wouldn’t feel like we were actually doing something helpful for those who are suffering by temporarily wearing a pink tie and/or boa and/or, in the case of J. Lo, Continue reading

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One (More) Reason I Will Never Be a Marine Biologist

I will never be a marine biologist.  Those who are close to me know that I do not use flowery deodorants.  Less literally, those who are close to me also know that I do not like big things in the water.  And when I say big things in the water I mean animate, alive things like sharks or squids or Loch Ness monsters.  Boats and their ilk are okay, but anything that moves of its own will and is bigger than a Chipotle burrito will make me scream like Howard Dean in Iowa.

It doesn’t even have to be especially scary; it just has to be of significant size.  Even things that might be large, but absolutely harmless like halibut or tuna or Chris Christie; if they are big and they are in the water, they freak me out.  Out of the water I am fine.  If I were to see  Chris Christie or a halibut in Costco, no problem.   Continue reading

Sicky Sicky Two-by-Four

In a controversial decision last week, the AMA (the American Medical Association, not the Amarillo International Airport, nor the Academy of Model Aeronautics, nor the text lingo for ‘Ask Me Anything’) declared obesity as a medical disease, making it kinda like cancer or HIV except that it’s not.   Perhaps you are old enough to remember that the AMA was opposed to Medicare, then opposed to cuts in Medicare, then opposed to universal health care under Clinton, then opposed to opposition of universal health care under Obama.

In a related story, the AMA’s preferred footwear is flip-flops.

Perhaps what makes this decision controversial is that it is so stupid. Continue reading

I’d Like to Ask You a Few Questions—And I’m Not Even Polish

Feel free to congratulate me, for this is my 50th blog post and coincidentally, my blogging antiversary.

“Yo, Dog,” I hear you saying,  “That is awesome!  You did it!  How and where can I send you a check?”  While your words are thoughtful and kind, I would appreciate it if you did not call me ‘Dog.’

Let me be perfectly clear: this not my anniversary and is thus my anTiversary, as it is a day OTHER than my anniversary, kind of like an UNbirthday is everyday BUT your birthday which makes today especially special for me because it is BOTH my unbirthday AND my antiversary which calls for excessive festal merriment and celebratory freedom to use run-on sentences and capital letters at will. Continue reading

High Way to Health

Regular readers of this blog are obviously getting the USDA recommended allowance of dietary fiber. And if such readers also happen to comeback to this site from time to time, they will have noticed that I have recently, through no fault of my own, been the victim of healthcare.

After being molested by the staff of my local physician (to include a test for pertussis which involves scraping a sample of one’s frontal lobe via the nasal passages), I was diagnosed with pneumonia. Panic I did not, for I had had this dreaded disease before, albeit the “walking” version which I think means that I had pneumonia but not really—kind of like zombies are “walking dead,” meaning they are dead but not really or like Republicans are “walking conservatives,” meaning they are conservatives but not really. Continue reading