“Part Deux of The Last Annual conTIMplating 2016 Presidential Voting Guide” or “Boy, Do We Have Issues”

So last week I waxed eloquent upon the upcoming presidential election, which is increasingly becoming a toss-up, as in “I’m about to toss-up my breakfast.”   If you missed last week and wish to avoid being totally lost, you may peruse it here.  Said post, as designed, sparked a short conversation with my first-time-voting progenic offspring regarding the purported leading and distressingly fingernails-on-a-chalkboard candidates seeking the aforementioned public office.

“All I know,” said Thing 2, “is that one wants to build a wall and the other really wants to be president,” which honestly sums up their campaigns rather nicely for someone who doesn’t pay attention and frankly didn’t see the need to care until we went to see Cabaret wherein the characters do little more than eat and drink and have sex willy-nilly until they end up in concentration camps.  I do love a rollicking, feel-good musical. Continue reading

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The Last Annual conTIMplating 2016 Presidential Voting Guide

Since the big and somewhat embarrassing presidential debates over these past couple of weeks, I’ve been inundated with an email asking my impressions on this country’s current entertaining and yet entirely nauseating presidential race.  It went something like this direct quote:

Dear Tim,

I’m torn.  I don’t know who to vote for in this presidential election, and the debates aren’t helping.  Your blog seems to have a lot of words.  What do you say?

Well firstly, let me say thank you for seeking out such wise counsel in such a time as this.  You obviously have no friends or family and nothing better to do and I am resultantly humbled.   My answer to you is thus:

Dear Torn,

You have a very funny name.  Are you related to Rip? Continue reading

Hillary Dillary Dock

FBI director James Comey made an announcement last week that actually had nothing to do with the fact that his last name would be a great slang term for Donald Trump’s hairstyle.

“What is that?”
“It’s a Comey.”
“I wish I had a Comey.”

Instead he made the shocking and yet entirely expected recommendation that there be no prosecution of Hillary. You recognize the name, I’m sure. Hillary has become a single name icon not unlike Madonna or Cher, partly because nobody is sure whether to say ‘Rodham’ anymore or not. When someone mentions ‘Hillary’ you no longer think Duff or Swank. There is truly only one Hillary.

Anyway… Continue reading

“A Letter to the Republican Party” or “Come on Fatso, Vote Trump or Cruz”

Happy Super Tuesday every one! I love Super Tuesday because it sounds like a Marvel comic book character from the 50s fighting for truth, justice and the American way against the evil forces of its arch-nemeses Bloody Sunday and Manic Monday.

As The Queen Mother and I intend to caucus this fine evening, we are sadly once again forced to choose between the least of evils, which has prompted me to offer a written word to the so-called Republican Party because they more and more act like an Alzheimer’s patient on bath salts in that they just don’t seem to have a clue as to what’s going on around them. And anyone who knows me at all knows that my preferred communicative medium is rap music, so…

With apologies to Young MC and his classic “Bust a Move” I give you “Come on Fatso, Vote Trump or Cruz” by Whyte Chalk-lit (my stone-cold G rapper name). Continue reading

O. Didn’t Start the Fire (Remix)

If you’re like me, you have recently been the victim of election results and the resultant celebratory and/or petulant result punditry that has so many people looking up the word ‘petulant’ these days. The bottom line is that the country has turned more red than an embarrassed Lenin with measles, and the egocentric pundits keep trying to wrap their giant heads around the question of why as they lie awake at night tossing and turning on their freakishly enormous pillows.

I am admittedly no political expert, but I have a theory as to the cause of the country’s sudden erythema which, at the risk of Continue reading