“A Letter to the Republican Party” or “Come on Fatso, Vote Trump or Cruz”

Happy Super Tuesday every one! I love Super Tuesday because it sounds like a Marvel comic book character from the 50s fighting for truth, justice and the American way against the evil forces of its arch-nemeses Bloody Sunday and Manic Monday.

As The Queen Mother and I intend to caucus this fine evening, we are sadly once again forced to choose between the least of evils, which has prompted me to offer a written word to the so-called Republican Party because they more and more act like an Alzheimer’s patient on bath salts in that they just don’t seem to have a clue as to what’s going on around them. And anyone who knows me at all knows that my preferred communicative medium is rap music, so…

With apologies to Young MC and his classic “Bust a Move” I give you “Come on Fatso, Vote Trump or Cruz” by Whyte Chalk-lit (my stone-cold G rapper name). Continue reading

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In the Words of Lionel Richie: Still

You have probably heard by now that the US Government is still pretending to be shutdown.  It’s kind of like a three-year-old who pulls a blanket over her head and thus concludes that because she cannot see anyone else, she also cannot be seen.

It turns out that only about 17% of the government is actually shutdown; and if my math is correct, that is really stupid.   That means 83% of the government is still hard at work making sure it looks like they are not working, which they really do anyway.  So it’s not so much of a shutting off of government workflow as much as it is like an enlarged prostate where there is reduced flow that comes out in shorter streams and won’t let you get a good night’s sleep. Continue reading

The Bill of Rights (21st Century Version)

Amendment I

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion other than scientific atheism, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof excepting the use of prayer, public worship, or other activity that does not fall under the sacred canopy of inclusivity and/or tolerance; or abridging the freedom of speech as long as said speech does not include references to the above protected religions, is in line with politically correct conventional wisdom, does not refer in any manner to Amendment II below, and is stated clearly such that it can be secretly monitored and stored for future use as necessary; or freedom of that portion of the press that paints favored governmental powers in a positive light; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble as long as such assemblies are not in the proximity of ranking government officials, the Bilderberg Group, or the G8, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances with the full knowledge that such grievances will be promptly ignored to the fullest extent of the law unless the agenda of presiding governmental powers be preserved. Continue reading

Getting In on the Bully Market

You may have missed this juicy little tidbit due to the incessant news coverage on what the Tsarnaev brothers’ aunt’s cousin’s wife’s step-daughter’s librarian’s nephew has to say, but the legislature here in Minnesota has been quietly introducing a bill that has people here realizing just how silly the word ‘tidbit’ really is.   The bill is about banning bullying in school and while I am not a fan of bullies mainly because I don’t have any rotating blades, a cursory perusal proves that this bill is almost as silly as the word ‘tidbit,’ but not quite.

Back in my day bullying was a simple form of economic exchange: I would hand over my lunch money and in return, said individual would refrain from lifting my whities over my head. Continue reading