Tag Archives: culture

There’s a Lot More to Life than Being Really, Really, Ridiculously Good Looking

My favorite headline from this month has got to be Foxnews.com’s, “Scientists Study Violent Winds of Uranus.”

Please note that I have elected to NOT write a blog post about this very fascinating story even though the first line of said article reads,

“Screaming winds of infernal violence alternate with periods of dead calm as one nears the surface of Uranus, according to a new analysis of the gas giant.”

because doing so might give the accurate impression that my maturity level is somewhere between a sixth-grade boy’s health class and a Pauly Shore movie.

So rather than dwell on my extreme adolescent childishness, I am instead going to focus on the startling fact that it is possible for one to be so darned good-looking that it is impossible to be a productive member of society.  Continue reading →

Welcome To the Second Year of My Blog. I Apologize.

Hello.  My name is Tim.  Welcome to the second year of my blog.  Please do not be outraged.  I apologize.

People seem rather sensitive to becoming outraged these days.  Just turning the key in the ignition of one of the many search engines out there proves that.  For example:

Military.com:  Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel ‘Outraged’ Over AF Sexual Assault Arrest.  It is not clear whether Mr. Hagel was outraged at the embarrassment of the crime to his administration or the crime itself.

Chicago.cbslocal.com:  Local Muslims Outraged By Card Depicting Muslim Girl Doll as a Terrorist.  Meanwhile, local Muslim outrage at actual terrorist attacks has yet to be reported. Continue reading →

Getting In on the Bully Market

You may have missed this juicy little tidbit due to the incessant news coverage on what the Tsarnaev brothers’ aunt’s cousin’s wife’s step-daughter’s librarian’s nephew has to say, but the legislature here in Minnesota has been quietly introducing a bill that has people here realizing just how silly the word ‘tidbit’ really is.   The bill is about banning bullying in school and while I am not a fan of bullies mainly because I don’t have any rotating blades, a cursory perusal proves that this bill is almost as silly as the word ‘tidbit,’ but not quite.

Back in my day bullying was a simple form of economic exchange: I would hand over my lunch money and in return, said individual would refrain from lifting my whities over my head. Continue reading →

Suspended Over a Pop-Tart? One Cannoli Hope

What with my big family vacation and then coming home to take down all my Cesar Chavez Easter decorations—not to mention getting geared up for National Grilled Cheese Sandwich Month this month—I totally missed the story out of Maryland a while back in which a 7-year old boy was suspended from school after eating his Pop-Tart into a shape kind of maybe resembling a sort of handgun and then, in a fit of imagination imitating media inundation, going “bang bang.”

Supposedly, the second-grader’s intent was to shape the pastry into a mountain; kind of a three-dimensional monochrome post-impressionist landscape piece.  But a slight, rather amateurish design miscalculation resulted in the boy mistakenly creating a fearsome profile resembling a treacherous terroristic armament capable of dropping sprinkles all over the cafeteria floor at up to 9.8 meters per second per second. Continue reading →

Holy Week, Batman! It’s Easter!

Hello and here we are in the midst of the most holy week of the Christian calendar, not to be confused with the Christian colander which is also holey but for an entirely different reason.  Holy week is the time of year when believers in the resurrection of Christ become especially reverent and often take time  to personally and  solemnly reflect on why TV commercials can say ‘Easter’ but can’t say ‘Christmas.’

It’s also the time of year when people who normally wouldn’t go to church if their soul depended on it suddenly find themselves going two or three times in a span of a few days “just in case” or to maybe give their busted bracket a supernatural boost. Continue reading →