Your Very Own conTIMplating Holiday Gift Guide

An underrated gift idea.  Collect all 32 varieties!

An underrated gift idea. Collect all 32!

Well Fa-la-la, Rumpa-pum-pum, and Ring-ting-tingling too!  Nonsense syllables are flying around higher than a paint-sniffing reindeer and The Carpenters are actually getting radio play!  This can only mean it’s that time of year when we once again don our red hats and roll up our Greensleeves and get our shop on for the purpose of celebrating Christmas your preferred inoffensive non-specific winter holiday of good feelings and cheer!  Yahoo*!

*(The aforementioned exclamation of enthusiastic holiday merriment is neither endorsed by nor affiliated with the popular internet portal.  Thank you for not suing me.)

Now I know that getting that perfect gift for that special someone is a bigger hassle than doing one’s hair in the late 80s, so I have wasted upwards of numerous minutes to provide the followers of this very fine blog of electronic wonderment with a time-saving and awe-inspiring

conTIMplating Holiday Gift Guide For Gift Givers Who Give Gifts To People Who In Turn Receive Said Gifts Continue reading

There’s a Lot More to Life than Being Really, Really, Ridiculously Good Looking

My favorite headline from this month has got to be’s, “Scientists Study Violent Winds of Uranus.”

Please note that I have elected to NOT write a blog post about this very fascinating story even though the first line of said article reads,

“Screaming winds of infernal violence alternate with periods of dead calm as one nears the surface of Uranus, according to a new analysis of the gas giant.”

because doing so might give the accurate impression that my maturity level is somewhere between a sixth-grade boy’s health class and a Pauly Shore movie.

So rather than dwell on my extreme adolescent childishness, I am instead going to focus on the startling fact that it is possible for one to be so darned good-looking that it is impossible to be a productive member of society.  Continue reading

Beauty and the Beast: The Dilemma

I will admit that as this new year begins, my nerves are more frazzled than Gary Busey trying to program a VCR.  The reason for my significant apprehensive trepidation is that I’m pretty sure I’m about to lose my job, which will significantly reduce the opportunities I have to drink free coffee and/or surf the net.  This deduction stems from a couple of recent hard-hitting news stories that lead me to believe I have enough strikes against me to be mistaken for a public school system. Continue reading

Just Say No to Rugs

Now that I’m into my mid-forties, I am looking for ideas on what to do for my mid-life crisis that 20 years from now I can look back on and say, “Wow, was that ever a mid-life crisis!”  I’m talking crazy, dangerous things like juggling flaming machetes or switching to briefs.

One idea I’ve had is to get my iPhone out and use my Sprint service to get my Facebook friends together and go to Sears to purchase a bunch of Columbia tents, then pitch them in a public park while we survive on Starbucks and Kraft Mac’n’Cheese cooked over a Coleman stove in our soggy Levi’s and Patagonia rain coats in the hopes of getting ABC, NBC or CBS to cover us as we rail against evil corporations. But somebody’s already done that. Continue reading