Minnesota | conTIMplating

As I was herniating myself the other day while out shoveling my driveway for the 87^th time this winter after a surprise un-forecasted overnight snow of seven inches, I stopped to try and remember what my lawn looked like and got to conTIMplating exactly why I live in Minnesota, being that it is so nonsensically cold here that Satan has his own line of credit at the local Burlington Coat Factory.

Why would anybody voluntarily reside where you have to watch heart-warming movies to keep your body temperature at a survivable level and the phrase ‘beating the heat’ has no meaning other than an NBA win over Miami?

Then there is the whole ‘Neighbor Challenge’ thing. Notice our Christmas card from 2010: Continue reading →

You may have missed this juicy little tidbit due to the incessant news coverage on what the Tsarnaev brothers’ aunt’s cousin’s wife’s step-daughter’s librarian’s nephew has to say, but the legislature here in Minnesota has been quietly introducing a bill that has people here realizing just how silly the word ‘tidbit’ really is. The bill is about banning bullying in school and while I am not a fan of bullies mainly because I don’t have any rotating blades, a cursory perusal proves that this bill is almost as silly as the word ‘tidbit,’ but not quite.

Back in my day bullying was a simple form of economic exchange: I would hand over my lunch money and in return, said individual would refrain from lifting my whities over my head. Continue reading →