How to Be an Award-Winning Blogger

I have been blogging now for exactly 18+ months or so (give or take) and I must say, I am all Baghdadified (that is, in shock and awe) that I have not received any smugly satisfactory and pretentiously praiseful honors from within my own pompous peer group such that I can properly puff myself up with conceited pride and self-important pomposity.  Nor have I even received a nomination!

But then I watched television last Sunday night and what I discovered via the Columbia Broadcasting System made me involuntarily exclaim, “Oh Lorde!  I have been doing it all wrong!”  I have been foolishly just sitting at my computer and writing, not at all using the obvious tactical strategery it takes to be an esteemed and celebrated success in one’s chosen field.  How could I have not seen it sooner?

Being the unselfish egoist I am, I will share what I learned the other night Continue reading

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Welcome To the Second Year of My Blog. I Apologize.

Hello.  My name is Tim.  Welcome to the second year of my blog.  Please do not be outraged.  I apologize.

People seem rather sensitive to becoming outraged these days.  Just turning the key in the ignition of one of the many search engines out there proves that.  For example:

Military.com:  Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel ‘Outraged’ Over AF Sexual Assault Arrest.  It is not clear whether Mr. Hagel was outraged at the embarrassment of the crime to his administration or the crime itself.

Chicago.cbslocal.com:  Local Muslims Outraged By Card Depicting Muslim Girl Doll as a Terrorist.  Meanwhile, local Muslim outrage at actual terrorist attacks has yet to be reported. Continue reading

The Year of Blogging Dangerously

Well, here we are: conTIMplating one year later.  Has it been a year already?  It has.  It seems just like yesterday that I was debating which pair of boxers to wear for my big background photo shoot.  If I were Bob Hope I’d start singing “Thanks for the Memories” but luckily for Mrs. Hope, I am not Bob Hope.

I suppose to accompany the congratulatory fanfare and wellwishiness you are feeling right now an appropriate post would be a clever recap of the past twelve months that revisited the high and low points of a year-old page of spectacular electronic webness such as this, but it doesn’t make any sense to recap because unfortunately, it was never capped in the first place.  Besides, like the old saying goes, nostalgia ain’t what it used to be.

So if you’ll permit, I will simply wax illogic Continue reading

I’d Like to Ask You a Few Questions—And I’m Not Even Polish

Feel free to congratulate me, for this is my 50th blog post and coincidentally, my blogging antiversary.

“Yo, Dog,” I hear you saying,  “That is awesome!  You did it!  How and where can I send you a check?”  While your words are thoughtful and kind, I would appreciate it if you did not call me ‘Dog.’

Let me be perfectly clear: this not my anniversary and is thus my anTiversary, as it is a day OTHER than my anniversary, kind of like an UNbirthday is everyday BUT your birthday which makes today especially special for me because it is BOTH my unbirthday AND my antiversary which calls for excessive festal merriment and celebratory freedom to use run-on sentences and capital letters at will. Continue reading