Tag Archives: food

The Best of TIM’s Best of 2014

Happy New Year!  Today marks the beginning of a new tradition here at conTIMplating that is bound to last upwards of one year in a row!  In the past, during the last week of the year, I have daily posted on my personal Facebook wall hi-lights of the previous year in terms of ‘Best ofs’ such as Best Book Read or Best Movie Seen or Best Comeback Thought Of A Week Later or Best Abbreviation For A Latin Phrase Meaning ‘And So Forth’, etc., etc.

To illustrate my desire for equality and unity, I have decided to yoke said numerous wall posts together into one culminating conglomerate blog post that singularly covers my multiple personally favored favorites of this past year entitled

The Best of TIMs Best of 2014 (see above) Continue reading →

Your Very Own conTIMplating Holiday Gift Guide

An underrated gift idea. Collect all 32 varieties!

An underrated gift idea. Collect all 32!

Well Fa-la-la, Rumpa-pum-pum, and Ring-ting-tingling too!  Nonsense syllables are flying around higher than a paint-sniffing reindeer and The Carpenters are actually getting radio play!  This can only mean it’s that time of year when we once again don our red hats and roll up our Greensleeves and get our shop on for the purpose of celebrating Christmas your preferred inoffensive non-specific winter holiday of good feelings and cheer!  Yahoo*!

*(The aforementioned exclamation of enthusiastic holiday merriment is neither endorsed by nor affiliated with the popular internet portal.  Thank you for not suing me.)

Now I know that getting that perfect gift for that special someone is a bigger hassle than doing one’s hair in the late 80s, so I have wasted upwards of numerous minutes to provide the followers of this very fine blog of electronic wonderment with a time-saving and awe-inspiring

conTIMplating Holiday Gift Guide For Gift Givers Who Give Gifts To People Who In Turn Receive Said Gifts Continue reading →

If Cream Cheese Is Wrong, I Don’t Wanna Be Right

Unless you reside beneath large deposits of granite or perhaps are a subscriber to Us magazine, you are probably aware of the scourge of fanatical evil that everybody is coalitioning about these days.  No, I am not referring to the menace of NFL players loose on our public streets; this problem is much more malevolent and has even our legislative and executive branches grafted into a single trunk of governmental topiary oneness in an endeavor to disrupt and destroy perhaps the single greatest threat to our American well-being:  the bake sale.

I noticed this subtle cultural change when Thing 2 recently brought home her annual choir fundraising product.  Instead of the box of assorted and enchanting selection of chocolate candy-bars upon which I tend to invest my annual September salary, she thrust into my hand something called Continue reading →

This is it! The Diet Starts…Monday

Oh how I love New Year’s with all of its revelry in celebration of an arbitrary moment in the incessantly monotonous passage of time.  What better reason to party?  What I don’t love however, is that it is (once again) time to be pressured into taking stock of my stockiness, throw my considerable weight around in considering my considerable weight, and ask myself why I don’t look like the touched-up models and celebrities I see in photo-shopped magazines and professionally enhanced videos.  Is it because I am (ulp) normal?

Well, I’ve (once gain) had it with being normal!  I look and feel like an average human!  Ugh!  And so over the New Year I have (once again) resolved to immerse my typical averageness in the very American and very lucrative dieting and starvation industry so I can more closely resemble the media fantasies we all know and worship. Continue reading →

Cracking Yolks About Frying Eggs

Well, we are seven inches from the midday sun here in Minnesota, which basically means that we stop rooting for global warming for a couple of days, hang out in the frozen foods section, and talk to each other about the weather without the awkwardness of feeling like we don’t really have anything meaningful to talk about.

At least it’s not stupid hot like it has been in the Southwest of These United States lately.  They have been under repeated heat warnings such that the deaths of everyone over the age of 90 are blamed on the extreme temperatures.  In fact, it has been so hot in Death Valley National Park that officials there have had to entreat visitors there to please not fry eggs on the roadside pavement.  And while I admittedly have a penchant for making stuff up, this story happens to be true.  I know this because I saw it on the internet. Continue reading →