The Incredible Reason You Might Start Seeing Binky Clips Everywhere

Days after Donald Trump was named president-elect, Americans are spreading a message of unity with a simple symbol: a baby pacifier, otherwise known as a ‘binky’.  The object may seem confusing to many in the U.S., but to those who lived in the United Kingdom during and after the Brexit vote of this summer, it’s a sight that is becoming increasingly familiar.

In June, millions voted for the U.K. to leave the European Union, and to the surprise of the media and others who decried such a repudiation of bureaucracy and globalism as the worse possible outcome, they won with 52 percent of the vote. But while some celebrated, others were left shocked and afraid the break would actually interrupt their agenda.

And they had a reason to be concerned. Continue reading

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The Last Annual conTIMplating 2016 Presidential Voting Guide

Since the big and somewhat embarrassing presidential debates over these past couple of weeks, I’ve been inundated with an email asking my impressions on this country’s current entertaining and yet entirely nauseating presidential race.  It went something like this direct quote:

Dear Tim,

I’m torn.  I don’t know who to vote for in this presidential election, and the debates aren’t helping.  Your blog seems to have a lot of words.  What do you say?

Well firstly, let me say thank you for seeking out such wise counsel in such a time as this.  You obviously have no friends or family and nothing better to do and I am resultantly humbled.   My answer to you is thus:

Dear Torn,

You have a very funny name.  Are you related to Rip? Continue reading

An Open Letter to Those Who Write Open Letters

Dear Open Letter Writer,

While I appreciate the time and effort you put forth in stringing various words together into often complex sentences, and while I also appreciate you usually starting with a positive and complementary tone before going on some sort of impertinent rant, on behalf of literates everywhere I feel I must respectfully request that you refrain from future compositionary activity and stop writing open letters.

I fully understand that writing open letters is all the rage right now and fewer things have contributed to this tiresome trend greater than the marvel of the electronic interweb and its various addictive time-vacuuming social media outlets, but before you jump on the metaphorical exhibitionist bandwagon there are some things you should probably know. Continue reading

Blame It On Rio

So I’ve been watching the Olympics this past couple of weeks.  Or trying to.  What with all the commercials and commentary and human interest pieces designed to get chicks to sit down and watch sports I think I might have seen a long jump.  And dressage.  Dressage.  Don’t get me started on stupid Olympic sports <coughcough rhythmicgymnastics coughcough>.  What kind of person is it that devotes years of their waking spare time to dance around with a little rubber ball?  And why isn’t Prancercising an Olympic sport?

Not to get on a rant here, but I’m about done with the Olympics—and it’s not just because I don’t know whether or not to capitalize the ‘the’ in front of it.  I alluded to the main reason for my apathy in the above preceding and foregoing paragraph, but more and more I am finding the Olympics downright unwatchable.  Thank you, various networks of NBC.  I’ll bet you didn’t know the Olympic theme had words.  Cue the tympani… Continue reading

Hillary Dillary Dock

FBI director James Comey made an announcement last week that actually had nothing to do with the fact that his last name would be a great slang term for Donald Trump’s hairstyle.

“What is that?”
“It’s a Comey.”
“I wish I had a Comey.”

Instead he made the shocking and yet entirely expected recommendation that there be no prosecution of Hillary. You recognize the name, I’m sure. Hillary has become a single name icon not unlike Madonna or Cher, partly because nobody is sure whether to say ‘Rodham’ anymore or not. When someone mentions ‘Hillary’ you no longer think Duff or Swank. There is truly only one Hillary.

Anyway… Continue reading