Tag Archives: political correctness

Mr. TIM Goes to Washington

It appears that winter is finally over here in Minnesota.  You can tell because all the east-west roads are under construction.  So to recap, you can’t leave your home in the winter because of all the snow and you can’t leave your home in the summer because the infrastructure looks like the set of Transformers 6.  It’s time to move.  But where?  Based on what I’ve seen in the news lately, the natural choice is Washington.  That is, Washington State, not Washington Den of Cheekiness.

“Why is that?” you ask in dumbfounded awestruck envy.  Well, this past week Washington State passed a 475-page piece of legislation implementing state-wide gender-inclusive language, finally completing a six-year, multi-gazillion dollar effort to remove any and all societal political incorrectness and enforcing a much more inoffensive and tolerant androgyny amongst its citizenry. Continue reading →

Getting In on the Bully Market

You may have missed this juicy little tidbit due to the incessant news coverage on what the Tsarnaev brothers’ aunt’s cousin’s wife’s step-daughter’s librarian’s nephew has to say, but the legislature here in Minnesota has been quietly introducing a bill that has people here realizing just how silly the word ‘tidbit’ really is.   The bill is about banning bullying in school and while I am not a fan of bullies mainly because I don’t have any rotating blades, a cursory perusal proves that this bill is almost as silly as the word ‘tidbit,’ but not quite.

Back in my day bullying was a simple form of economic exchange: I would hand over my lunch money and in return, said individual would refrain from lifting my whities over my head. Continue reading →

My Shopping’s Done. You?

Pardon me while I wax nostalgic such that it’s all shiny and the water on it bubbles up to where you could use it to wrap fragile mailings, but Christmas just isn’t what it used to be.  It probably has something to do with my considerable and snowballing oldness and its accompanying cantankerous irritability.  Get off my lawn, by the way.

When you’re a kid every Christmas is like, well…Christmas.  It was an enchanted time of sugarplums and fairies and sugarplum fairies and more sugar but not quite so many fairies.  They were days of innocence in which an infant could travel to grandma’s in the back window of an LTD and if you sat too close to the fire in your PJ’s they would melt right onto your skin.  It was back when it was perfectly safe to drape a month-old, dried-out evergreen tree in the same red-hot incandescent light bulbs we used in toy ovens to bake tasty treats. Continue reading →

‘Tis the Season…Or Not

Hark!  My Uncle Harold is singing, merry gentlemen are resting, and everywhere you look, gay yuletides!  This can only mean one thing: ‘tis the season to leave the ‘i’ off ‘it is’ and shamelessly throw around tidings of comfort and joy, comfort and joy.

Therefore in the spirit of joviality and good cheer, I would personally like to take this unique opportunity to don my red hat, roll up my Greensleeves, and wish you and yours all the generic goodness and generally pleasant emotive responses that customarily accompany the festival of your chosen religious tradition coinciding with the sun’s winter solstice! Continue reading →