I’d Like to Ask You a Few Questions—And I’m Not Even Polish

Feel free to congratulate me, for this is my 50th blog post and coincidentally, my blogging antiversary.

“Yo, Dog,” I hear you saying,  “That is awesome!  You did it!  How and where can I send you a check?”  While your words are thoughtful and kind, I would appreciate it if you did not call me ‘Dog.’

Let me be perfectly clear: this not my anniversary and is thus my anTiversary, as it is a day OTHER than my anniversary, kind of like an UNbirthday is everyday BUT your birthday which makes today especially special for me because it is BOTH my unbirthday AND my antiversary which calls for excessive festal merriment and celebratory freedom to use run-on sentences and capital letters at will. Continue reading →

Seattle: Where Only the Jokes Are Dry

What a gorgeous city! This is the best picture of Seattle that I have ever stolen from Wikipedia.

What a gorgeous city! This is the best picture of Seattle that I have ever stolen from Wikipedia.

Let me just start out by saying that Seattle is my favorite city in North America, and that includes the likes of Hell (Michigan), Saint-Louis-du-Ha! Ha! (Quebec), and My Large Intestine (Texas).  Founded in the 1850s as ‘Duwamp,’ the name was changed in honor of Chief Si’ahl of the spectacularly spelled Dkhw’Duw’Absh tribe because they were pretty sure nobody would ever buy an album of a band from Duwamp.

Seattle initially flourished from the lumber and Chinese race riot industries.  It later became a launching point and market center for the Klondike Gold Rush of the 1890s and a development center for the Dot Com Gold Rush in the 1990s.  It is located in Washington State on a strip of land sandwiched between Puget Sound and the Cascade Mountains, both of which provide a natural barrier from the state’s Republicans. Continue reading →

Introverts Unite!

Okay, so I’m torqued, ticked, teed, and my O is P’d.  I’m going ballistic, nuclear and postal all at the same time which is causing my knickers to get all twisty and the area directly under my collar to get uncomfortably warm.   I’m fed up, fired up, riled up, worked up and so up in arms that I belong in a deodorant commercial.  I’m in a huff inside a snit enclosed in a tizzy.  I’m steamed and amped and at the end of both my rope and my wits resulting in my being bent out of shape.  When I cross the border into nearby Wisconsin, I am cheesed.

The reason that I’m throwing things like fits, conniptions, and tantrums is that I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired of being oppressed.  That’s right, I’m being oppressed!
For those of you who are unaware, I fall into a segment of the population at large that is discriminated against almost as much as ugly people:  I am an introvert. Continue reading →

Doping Ice Fishermen Is Snow Joke

So I’m cleaning out my birdcage the other day and I ran across an article in the New York Times regarding an event here in my neck of the woods that got me conTIMplating why it’s called ‘neck’ of the woods and not ‘hip’ of the woods or ‘spleen’ of the woods and why it’s even in the woods in the first place.  Said event was the World Ice Fishing Championships held last week on the Big Eau Pleine Reservoir (French for ‘large, old, nondescript body of water’) located in the greater Wausau, Wisconsin Metropolitan Area.

Fishermen from eleven countries (counting newcomers Japan and Mongolia) paid their own considerable fares to get to Northern Central Wisconsin, known as “The Northern Central Wisconsin Capitol of the World” because at no other location can one find so much of Northern Central Wisconsin. Continue reading →

We Are One Sorry People

I have noticed over that past few weeks that America is one sorry nation—so much so that we’ve inspired a Parker Brothers board game and an entire Country & Western music genre.

San Francisco 49ers cornerback Chris Culliver apologized for saying he would not like a gay man in his locker room.  House Transportation and Infrastructure Chairman Bill Shuster (R-Pa.) apologized for saying that P.BO was lying in his big State of the Union shindig.  ESPN apologized because Brent Musburger had the gall to call a woman beautiful.  CNN apologized because New Year’s Eve host Kathy Griffin was…well…Kathy Griffin. Continue reading →