Okay, so I’m torqued, ticked, teed, and my O is P’d. I’m going ballistic, nuclear and postal all at the same time which is causing my knickers to get all twisty and the area directly under my collar to get uncomfortably warm. I’m fed up, fired up, riled up, worked up and so up in arms that I belong in a deodorant commercial. I’m in a huff inside a snit enclosed in a tizzy. I’m steamed and amped and at the end of both my rope and my wits resulting in my being bent out of shape. When I cross the border into nearby Wisconsin, I am cheesed.
The reason that I’m throwing things like fits, conniptions, and tantrums is that I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired of being oppressed. That’s right, I’m being oppressed!
For those of you who are unaware, I fall into a segment of the population at large that is discriminated against almost as much as ugly people: I am an introvert.
This societal bane of anti-introvertarionism was again brought to the fore for me this past week as I attended the dreaded and often peculiar student-teacher conference. I have two children who represent opposite ends of the personality spectrum: one is Meyers and the other is Briggs. And even though both possess similar academic abilities, I find it fascinating that Thing 1, the exhilarating one-person dance party, is always “a pleasure to teach” while Thing 2, the even-keeled conversational minimalist, “needs to speak up more in class.” It’s this type of blatant favoritism that leads to oral exams, group projects, and grades for class participation. Just once I’d like to hear a teacher say, “Your child’s gregariousness serves as a distraction and robs valuable class time from those preferring learning to loudmouthed self-aggrandizement” or “Unfortunately, verbosity equates to being neither interesting nor intelligent.” Pardon my Cockney accent, but not bloody likely!
The idea of introversion and extroversion dates to the 1920s and comes from psychologist Carl Jung, who retreated into introversion himself after repeated teasing about the way he pronounced his Js. Introverts are considered the opposite of extroverts though interestingly their words have entirely different origins. ‘Extrovert’ comes from the roots ‘extra’ and ‘overt’ which combine to mean ‘especially obvious,’ while ‘introvert’ comes from the roots ‘intro,’ i.e., ‘to make acquaintance,’ and ‘vert,‘ meaning ‘when 7-11 closes.’
Introverts are obviously under-represented in our society. For example, in our extrovert-centered culture it is considered a complement to be ‘outgoing’ or a ‘people person,’ while staying quiet and reserved often leads to labels like ‘aloof’ or ‘loner’ or ‘billionaire inventor.’ Ever wonder why you don’t see any introverted game-show hosts or cruise directors? And it’s pretty unlikely that we will ever have another introverted president after Nixon’s so-called “cover-up” and “scandal.” Whatever, media. Such discriminatory practices are why I have finally started a new movement that doesn’t involve exercise or my bowels. I have had enough! I’m not going to take it anymore and with your permission, if it’s not too much trouble, I would like to humbly request equal rights for introverts! (Unless anyone else has something to say.)
Why do the blowhards have to get all the good grades? Why do the ball hogs have to get the all starting positions? Why do the people who go out in public have to get all the fame? Why do the guys who actually talk to women have to get all the hot chicks? I mean, whatever happened to the strong, silent type? I may not be very strong, but I’m more than silent enough to make up for it.
Admittedly, our movement is having a little trouble getting off the ground. Meeting attendance has been low, but we have a plan to beef up the agenda which thus far has consisted of an ice breaker followed by adjournment and some alone time to recharge. The door-to-door and telephone campaigns have also been less than successful, due to the propensity of targeted individuals to engage in small talk and the canvassers’ preference for observance over participation. We had the idea to advertise but didn’t really want to draw attention to ourselves. And while we have had some really creative ideas, for some reason word-of-mouth just doesn’t seem to be spreading.
Like other movements, we will be having a march on Washington this summer, the date of which is not set as we decided that it would be more comfortable for our members if everyone just did it individually or with either of their friends. Texting would be okay too, I guess. Either way, we are going to take back our culture! As long as we get enough notice. And maybe some practice first, so…you know…we don’t get embarrassed.