An Open Letter to Those Who Write Open Letters

Dear Open Letter Writer,

While I appreciate the time and effort you put forth in stringing various words together into often complex sentences, and while I also appreciate you usually starting with a positive and complementary tone before going on some sort of impertinent rant, on behalf of literates everywhere I feel I must respectfully request that you refrain from future compositionary activity and stop writing open letters.

I fully understand that writing open letters is all the rage right now and fewer things have contributed to this tiresome trend greater than the marvel of the electronic interweb and its various addictive time-vacuuming social media outlets, but before you jump on the metaphorical exhibitionist bandwagon there are some things you should probably know. Continue reading

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Don’t Hate Me For Trying To Spread A Little Hope

Thanks to that bastion of truth, Social Media, it has come to my attention that yesterday (4 Feb) was World Cancer Day—not to be confused with National Cancer Survivors Day which is June 7th or National Cancer Prevention Month which is the entire month of February—not to be confused with Breast Cancer Awareness Month which is October.  We of course are all aware of Breast Cancer Awareness Month because that is the month wherein we dress up to race for cures and men everywhere are adjusting their sets because the NFL looks like Valentine’s sprinkles.

Personally, I think that if we took the millions spent on pink crap every October and actually used it to fund research we would have had a cure years ago, but…then we wouldn’t feel like we were actually doing something helpful for those who are suffering by temporarily wearing a pink tie and/or boa and/or, in the case of J. Lo, Continue reading

My First Year as a Socialist

This week marks the one year anniversary of my tenacious and unrelenting participation in that vile, habit-forming procrastination tool known as Facebook. Luckily, my involvement has been limited to the shallow platitudinal aspect, as I have yet to be Zuckered into actually buying stock, but nonetheless… Feel free to congratulate me and send me expensive gifts in recognition of my enduring perseverance through this difficult time.

I have thus far successfully avoided other social media, though I am continually pressured to join the likes of LinkedIn, Pinterest, StumbleUpon, Quechup, Yammer, CafeMom, BlackPlanet, Frühstückstreff, etc. I am also regularly badgered by my Wisconsin friends to start tweeting but am a tad fearful of Twitter, mainly because I don’t understand the lingo. #hashtags. Continue reading