“A Letter to the Republican Party” or “Come on Fatso, Vote Trump or Cruz”

Happy Super Tuesday every one! I love Super Tuesday because it sounds like a Marvel comic book character from the 50s fighting for truth, justice and the American way against the evil forces of its arch-nemeses Bloody Sunday and Manic Monday.

As The Queen Mother and I intend to caucus this fine evening, we are sadly once again forced to choose between the least of evils, which has prompted me to offer a written word to the so-called Republican Party because they more and more act like an Alzheimer’s patient on bath salts in that they just don’t seem to have a clue as to what’s going on around them. And anyone who knows me at all knows that my preferred communicative medium is rap music, so…

With apologies to Young MC and his classic “Bust a Move” I give you “Come on Fatso, Vote Trump or Cruz” by Whyte Chalk-lit (my stone-cold G rapper name). For party usage, backtrack karaoke lynx is here.

This here’s a tale for all the votahs
From New Orleans up to the Dakotas
Goin’ to the poll to select a POTUS
Happish your not cuz your choices all bogus
Not too smarty Republican party
Nobody likes you cuz you’re so haughty
You talk real big gonna cut this and that
But you’re spendin’ big Gs like a drunken Democrat
This election’s no exception
To think diff’rent is a self-deception
Dems doin’ stuff to make you go on rants
But then your lack of backbone makes me crap my pants.
Establishment’s manic poppin’ Xanax
Fed-up folks causin’ stone-cold panic
People all sayin’ “What we got to lose?
So come on fatso and vote Trump or Cruz”

Vote Trump or Cruz

We’re on a mission and we’re wishin’
Someone could cure our sober condition
Solutions found in all the wrong places
No progress just static stasis
From frustration our inclination
Is to give it all up and find a different nation
They say every tunnel has a light of hope
But the answer’s not found in another RINO
They keep thinkin’ “We’re not stinkin’”
But they can’t seem to get the government shrinkin’
“We’ll work together” is the canned response
Which means give Obama whatever he wants
Don’t be so yellow just say “Hell no”
Sure seems to me that your spine is made of Jell-o
You got people thinkin’ there’s no second to lose
And what comes next? Vote Trump or Cruz

Chorus:
You want it, you got it,
You want it, baby you got it (vote Trump or Cruz)
You want it, you got it,
You want it, baby you got it

So many voices seventeen choices
As they drop out the world rejoices
Walker Bobby Jindal and Lindsay Graham
Rick Perry George Pataki all had to scram
Fox News relic just can’t sell it
Mike Huckabee’s too evangelic
Rick Santorum didn’t get much play
Cuz his old family values are so passé
We’ve stopped usin’ Constitutions
Derailing Rand Paul’s revolution
Carly Fiorina then exited the race
Turns out that no one really wants to vote for her face
Out went Christie eyes all misty
Who’s Jim Gilmore? Still a mystery
Then Jeb came forward singin’ the blues
Now you know who to choose G Trump or Cruz

Chorus:
If you want it, you got it,
You want it, baby you got it (vote Trump or Cruz)
You want it, you got it,
You want it, baby you got it (Break it down for me votahs)

First name Marco second name Rubio
With rhyming names like that I can rap like Coolio
A pup in the senate and here’s an anecdote
He’d have more experience if he’d cast a vote
Doctor Ben Carson keeps on horsin’
Real nice guy but a better fit’s a parson
From the inner-city he pulled himself out
But can’t hear what he says Brother needs to learn to shout
Then there’s Kasich, candidate basic
Never gonna win but he just can’t face it
In Ohio he’s a dabbin’ killa
But it’s hard to find a white guy more vanilla
Scared of the Right Wing GOP’s hands wring
Looks like they wanna do another Romney-Ryan thing
It’s almost enough to drive a man to booze
Havin’ to go to the poll and vote Trump or Cruz

Chorus:
You want it, you got it,
You want it, baby you got it (vote Trump or Cruz)
You want it, you got it,
You want it, baby you got it

P.S. If you’re not sure whether you should caucus for Republicans or Democrats, through the magic of left clickage you can read my basic political primer, The Red, The White Guy, and The Blue.

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