Legalizing Pot, Otherwise Known as Marijuana or Rope or Sasfras or Tex-Mex or Stems or Hooch or Indian Boy or Locoweed or Juan Valdez or…

If you’re like me, you spent upwards of five minutes yesterday re-electing 90% of the most hated legislative branch in our nation’s storied history.  I only bring this up because it isn’t my representatives who are the problem; it’s yours and everyone else’s.  If everyone else would just get rid of their lousy congressperson and/or senator, then I’m sure we would have the greatest period in our nation’s storied history.

The favorite parts of my personal Minnesota election ballot were the assorted candidates from the Grassroots-Legalize Cannibis Party and the Legalize Marijuana Now Party.  They were running for various state offices and standing over which one not to vote for, I couldn’t help but notice that they were two separate parties with seemingly the same agenda.  Why two?  Are they so split on the issues that they could not get together and combine resources?  Continue reading

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Weighing in on Christie (pun intended)

I don’t usually get too excited about political scandals due to their inevitable and foreseeable nature, but this ‘Bridgegate’ thing has gotten me more worked up than a paleoista at a food court.  Specifically, I am more than shocked and dismayed that ‘Bridgegate’ is the best name the media could come up with for this nationwide local issue and frankly, whoever invented it should be made curator of the Lame Museum.

Really?  ‘Bridgegate’?  It’s like the creativity pipes got frozen in the polar vortex of banality and spewed liquid dull all over the floor of the triteroom.

Call me more progressive than my insurance company, but it’s about time we stopped putting ‘-gate’ at the end of anything that hints at the unethical or seemingly naughty-naughty.  Other stupid examples include Continue reading

Shouldn’t Veterans’ Day Be March Fourth?

This past week was Veterans’ Day here in America and, as always, it brought to the fore awareness of correct apostrophe usage.   Veteran’s Day was originally established as “Armistice Day” to commemorate the aptly-named Treaty of Versailles being signed in the Palace of Versailles outside the town of Versailles but was later changed to Ve’terans Day to recognize all the new and improved veterans after they realized that The Great War that was The War to End All Wars wasn’t actually that great and didn’t end all wars at all but instead caused a number of follow-on wars and thus created more veterans that needed recognizing.

And so traditionally on Veterans D’ay, the government shuts down in such a way that doesn’t even make the news and people get together to post gratitudinal platitudes on Facebook.  Being a veteran myself, I received a number of thank-yous for my ‘service’ that included keeping America safe for democracy, defending the Constitution against all enemies foreign and domestic, and seeing how many foreign-made beverages I could get past the customs agent. Continue reading

In the Words of Lionel Richie: Still

You have probably heard by now that the US Government is still pretending to be shutdown.  It’s kind of like a three-year-old who pulls a blanket over her head and thus concludes that because she cannot see anyone else, she also cannot be seen.

It turns out that only about 17% of the government is actually shutdown; and if my math is correct, that is really stupid.   That means 83% of the government is still hard at work making sure it looks like they are not working, which they really do anyway.  So it’s not so much of a shutting off of government workflow as much as it is like an enlarged prostate where there is reduced flow that comes out in shorter streams and won’t let you get a good night’s sleep. Continue reading

Understanding the Impending Ongoing Government Shutdown

This may come as a surprise to my regular readers, but it turns out that I am finally conscious.  For the past three (plus) days I have been asleep under the spell of some nasty virus that would have MacAfee, Norton, and Avira all virtually running for their lives.  But alas, as my sickened stupor wears away I am again “with it” (as the hip youngsters like to say) and am able to momentarily return to wasting everyone’s time by blathering idiotically for no particular reason as if I were a human 24-hour news channel.

Wanting to catch everyone up on the latest events of the day, ever since my NyQuil has worn off I have been tirelessly investigating exactly what is going on with this big government shut-down thingy that everyone is talking about.  And based on the ten minutes or so I have just spent on Google, here is what we know so far in no particular order and in very impressive bullet form: Continue reading