The Best Holiday Travel Guide I Have Written All Day Yet

Well according to the likes of Perry Como, Ed Ames and Andy Williams, it’s that time of year when everyone starts going over the river and through the woods heading for Pennsylvania and some homemade pumpkin pie.  So what better way to serve my fellow man and bring peace on earth than to share from my vast experience of being somewhere else and offer some useful and very alliterated helpful Hannukah holiday travel tips?  So here goes…

HOLIDAY TRAVEL TIP #1:  Do not travel.

This is actually the only tip I have to offer but admittedly, it is born of genius. If my life experience has taught me anything, Continue reading

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Shouldn’t Veterans’ Day Be March Fourth?

This past week was Veterans’ Day here in America and, as always, it brought to the fore awareness of correct apostrophe usage.   Veteran’s Day was originally established as “Armistice Day” to commemorate the aptly-named Treaty of Versailles being signed in the Palace of Versailles outside the town of Versailles but was later changed to Ve’terans Day to recognize all the new and improved veterans after they realized that The Great War that was The War to End All Wars wasn’t actually that great and didn’t end all wars at all but instead caused a number of follow-on wars and thus created more veterans that needed recognizing.

And so traditionally on Veterans D’ay, the government shuts down in such a way that doesn’t even make the news and people get together to post gratitudinal platitudes on Facebook.  Being a veteran myself, I received a number of thank-yous for my ‘service’ that included keeping America safe for democracy, defending the Constitution against all enemies foreign and domestic, and seeing how many foreign-made beverages I could get past the customs agent. Continue reading

God Bless the TSA!

With apologies to Lee Greenwood (background music Lynx):

If the line is around the corner,
You’d think they’d spring to life.
And help me get home again
To see my children and my wife.

But just one checkpoint’s open;
I’ve been standin’ here all day.
I could sure go for a Starbucks,
But they’d just take that away.

And I’m proud to be an American,
Where at least I know I’m free.
Unless I’m about to board a plane,
–Then I’m assumed guilty. Continue reading