If you’re like me, you have recently been the victim of election results and the resultant celebratory and/or petulant result punditry that has so many people looking up the word ‘petulant’ these days. The bottom line is that the country has turned more red than an embarrassed Lenin with measles, and the egocentric pundits keep trying to wrap their giant heads around the question of why as they lie awake at night tossing and turning on their freakishly enormous pillows.
I am admittedly no political expert, but I have a theory as to the cause of the country’s sudden erythema which, at the risk of Continue reading
Posted in Party TIMe
- Tagged Barack Obama, Billy Joel, controversy, Democrats, election results, gaffs, humor, news, opinion, parody, politics, scandals, We Didn't Start the Fire
‘Groovy.’ ‘Far out.’ ‘Totally awesome.’ There are certain words and phrases that rightfully have been relegated to the trash heap of clichés so lame their use automatically qualifies you for a handicap parking sticker. Other expunged examples from the past include ‘excellent,’ ‘…from hell,’ ‘gnarly,’ ‘bogus,’ ‘totally bogus,’ ‘Jon-Benet,’ and ‘Starring Pauly Shore.’
Another one is ‘War on Terror.’ Say what you want about President Obama. Then move on to the next paragraph.
One thing our current illustrious president, P.BO, has accomplished is the abolition of the phrase ‘War on Terror,’ a phrase coined by our former illustrious president, W. Bush. ‘War on Terror’ was so overused and religiously chanted by media outlets that it became downright meaningless—as evidenced by the continuing proliferation of terror in our society today, to include zombie movies, Stephen King novels and Nancy Pelosi press conferences. Continue reading
Posted in Potpourrhetoric
- Tagged Barack Obama, bossy ban, crotchetiness, culture, English, freedom of speech, George W. Bush, humor, language, life, opinion, Sheryl Sandberg, war on terror
Given that my primer on last summer’s Syria situation was one of my most popular posts and yet least liked, I thought I would seek to keep my readers misinformed as to what is going on with the whole Ukrainian geopolitical crisis that is so dominating the first five or six minutes of American newscasts these days. (And just so you know, I will attempt to do so without any obvious lame jokes mentioning that Ukrainian pipelines supply Russian natural gas to Europe; that is, that the primary Ukrainian industry is passing gas.)
Just so there’s no misunderstanding, when I say ‘geopolitical’ I mean it in the classical sense: that is, ‘geo’ as in ‘small Chevy’ and ‘political’ as in ‘what everyone hates more than aspic.’ And when we apply this term to the Ukrainian crisis, we get more confusion than a 2000 Dade County ballot. This is because nobody knows exactly what is going on due to a decided preference for beer.
As you can see from the map below, Continue reading
Posted in Water Buffalo Intestines
- Tagged Barack Obama, beer, commentary, Crimea, Europe, humor, international news, Jenjis Kahn, John Kerry, media, news, opinion, politics, Russian, T.J. Oshie, Ukraine, United States, Vladimir Putin
This may come as a surprise to my regular readers, but it turns out that I am finally conscious. For the past three (plus) days I have been asleep under the spell of some nasty virus that would have MacAfee, Norton, and Avira all virtually running for their lives. But alas, as my sickened stupor wears away I am again “with it” (as the hip youngsters like to say) and am able to momentarily return to wasting everyone’s time by blathering idiotically for no particular reason as if I were a human 24-hour news channel.
Wanting to catch everyone up on the latest events of the day, ever since my NyQuil has worn off I have been tirelessly investigating exactly what is going on with this big government shut-down thingy that everyone is talking about. And based on the ten minutes or so I have just spent on Google, here is what we know so far in no particular order and in very impressive bullet form: Continue reading
Posted in Party TIMe
- Tagged Barack Obama, fashion, government shutdown, humor, John Boehner, Katie Holmes, national zoo, news, Obamacare, opinion, panda-cam, politics, satire, Ted Cruz
Pilfered from thewashingtonpost.com
This week I am going to do my readers a disservice and dabble in the very world of international intrigue that everyone is talking about these days except the media, who in their defense, is pretty focused on bringing us anything and everything about Miley Cyrus right now. The Washington Post has put out a couple of articles about Egypt and Syria entitled “9 Questions About [one of the afore mentioned countries] You Were Too Embarrassed to Ask” which have been popular and informative and are to be commended for their intricate simplicity. And so I thought to myself, “Who am I to not steal such a good idea? After all, I am as uniquely qualified to dabble in international affairs as anyone, as I have been receiving International Male catalogs for years now.”
The result is the following: a conTIMplating version of
9 Questions About Syria You Were Too Embarrassed to Ask Because You Haven’t Read The Washington Post Article Continue reading
Posted in Water Buffalo Intestines
- Tagged apocalypse, Barack Obama, diplomatic solution, humor, international news, John Kerry, Miley Cyrus, news, opinion, Oregon, politics, red line, Russia, sarcasm, satire, Syria, Washington Post