Tag Archives: satire

Shouldn’t Veterans’ Day Be March Fourth?

This past week was Veterans’ Day here in America and, as always, it brought to the fore awareness of correct apostrophe usage.   Veteran’s Day was originally established as “Armistice Day” to commemorate the aptly-named Treaty of Versailles being signed in the Palace of Versailles outside the town of Versailles but was later changed to Ve’terans Day to recognize all the new and improved veterans after they realized that The Great War that was The War to End All Wars wasn’t actually that great and didn’t end all wars at all but instead caused a number of follow-on wars and thus created more veterans that needed recognizing.

And so traditionally on Veterans D’ay, the government shuts down in such a way that doesn’t even make the news and people get together to post gratitudinal platitudes on Facebook.  Being a veteran myself, I received a number of thank-yous for my ‘service’ that included keeping America safe for democracy, defending the Constitution against all enemies foreign and domestic, and seeing how many foreign-made beverages I could get past the customs agent. Continue reading →

Redskins’ Name Is Siouxper Offensive

The Washington Redskins are in the news over their name again.  The word on the social media street is that there is pressure to change it because of embarrassment over the term ‘Washington,’  hahajklol;).  The manufactured outrage is actually over the term ‘Redskin’ as it is perceived as disparaging toward Native Americans and psoriasis sufferers by implying that they are competitive and fierce.

Other teams are under the tomahawk over this, including the Atlanta Braves, the Cleveland Indians, the Kansas City Chiefs, the Florida State Seminoles, the Chicago Blackhawks, the Cincinnati Reds, and the Birmingham Whites Only. Continue reading →

In the Words of Lionel Richie: Still

You have probably heard by now that the US Government is still pretending to be shutdown.  It’s kind of like a three-year-old who pulls a blanket over her head and thus concludes that because she cannot see anyone else, she also cannot be seen.

It turns out that only about 17% of the government is actually shutdown; and if my math is correct, that is really stupid.   That means 83% of the government is still hard at work making sure it looks like they are not working, which they really do anyway.  So it’s not so much of a shutting off of government workflow as much as it is like an enlarged prostate where there is reduced flow that comes out in shorter streams and won’t let you get a good night’s sleep. Continue reading →

Understanding the Impending Ongoing Government Shutdown

This may come as a surprise to my regular readers, but it turns out that I am finally conscious.  For the past three (plus) days I have been asleep under the spell of some nasty virus that would have MacAfee, Norton, and Avira all virtually running for their lives.  But alas, as my sickened stupor wears away I am again “with it” (as the hip youngsters like to say) and am able to momentarily return to wasting everyone’s time by blathering idiotically for no particular reason as if I were a human 24-hour news channel.

Wanting to catch everyone up on the latest events of the day, ever since my NyQuil has worn off I have been tirelessly investigating exactly what is going on with this big government shut-down thingy that everyone is talking about.  And based on the ten minutes or so I have just spent on Google, here is what we know so far in no particular order and in very impressive bullet form: Continue reading →

Time to Get Syria-us

Pilfered from thewashingtonpost.com

Pilfered from thewashingtonpost.com

This week I am going to do my readers a disservice and dabble in the very world of international intrigue that everyone is talking about these days except the media, who in their defense, is pretty focused on bringing us anything and everything about Miley Cyrus right now.  The Washington Post has put out a couple of articles about Egypt and Syria entitled “9 Questions About [one of the afore mentioned countries] You Were Too Embarrassed to Ask” which have been popular and informative and are to be commended for their intricate simplicity.  And so I thought to myself, “Who am I to not steal such a good idea?  After all, I am as uniquely qualified to dabble in international affairs as anyone, as I have been receiving International Male catalogs for years now.”

The result is the following: a conTIMplating version of

9 Questions About Syria You Were Too Embarrassed to Ask Because You Haven’t Read The Washington Post Article Continue reading →