Introverts Unite!

Okay, so I’m torqued, ticked, teed, and my O is P’d.  I’m going ballistic, nuclear and postal all at the same time which is causing my knickers to get all twisty and the area directly under my collar to get uncomfortably warm.   I’m fed up, fired up, riled up, worked up and so up in arms that I belong in a deodorant commercial.  I’m in a huff inside a snit enclosed in a tizzy.  I’m steamed and amped and at the end of both my rope and my wits resulting in my being bent out of shape.  When I cross the border into nearby Wisconsin, I am cheesed.

The reason that I’m throwing things like fits, conniptions, and tantrums is that I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired of being oppressed.  That’s right, I’m being oppressed!
For those of you who are unaware, I fall into a segment of the population at large that is discriminated against almost as much as ugly people:  I am an introvert. Continue reading

We Are One Sorry People

I have noticed over that past few weeks that America is one sorry nation—so much so that we’ve inspired a Parker Brothers board game and an entire Country & Western music genre.

San Francisco 49ers cornerback Chris Culliver apologized for saying he would not like a gay man in his locker room.  House Transportation and Infrastructure Chairman Bill Shuster (R-Pa.) apologized for saying that P.BO was lying in his big State of the Union shindig.  ESPN apologized because Brent Musburger had the gall to call a woman beautiful.  CNN apologized because New Year’s Eve host Kathy Griffin was…well…Kathy Griffin. Continue reading

What Time Is It? Valentime!

funny22.com

funny22.com

Given the nature of this week and its quasi pseudo semi-holiday, today I offer a brief history of Valentine’s Day even though everyone knows Saint Valentine wore boxers.  Ha ha!  Just kidding.  Actually, I mean ‘brief’ in terms of being ‘short,’ as in Robert Reich or the life span of a ‘no new taxes’ pledge.

If I may again quote Grammy award-winning artist Adele, “Rumor has it” that Valentine’s Day started from an ancient Roman festival called “Lupercalia,” which would be a great name for a German rock band (“Ich bin ein Gitarrist in Lupercalia”). Continue reading

Super Sunday Showdown!

Unless you are holed up in your Afghani cave or your right-wing Idaho compound or your own roomy derriere, you are probably aware that Sunday night provided an extraordinary epic battle between two potent powerhouses that left observers breathless as the combatants conflicted and contested like two gladiators engaged in a ferocious life-and-death struggle in front of an audience of millions, nay, billions of screaming blood-thirsty onlookers.  Of course, I speak of no other than that treacherous and violent clash of…

SuperBowl v. Downton

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My Shopping’s Done. You?

Pardon me while I wax nostalgic such that it’s all shiny and the water on it bubbles up to where you could use it to wrap fragile mailings, but Christmas just isn’t what it used to be.  It probably has something to do with my considerable and snowballing oldness and its accompanying cantankerous irritability.  Get off my lawn, by the way.

When you’re a kid every Christmas is like, well…Christmas.  It was an enchanted time of sugarplums and fairies and sugarplum fairies and more sugar but not quite so many fairies.  They were days of innocence in which an infant could travel to grandma’s in the back window of an LTD and if you sat too close to the fire in your PJ’s they would melt right onto your skin.  It was back when it was perfectly safe to drape a month-old, dried-out evergreen tree in the same red-hot incandescent light bulbs we used in toy ovens to bake tasty treats. Continue reading