My favorite headline from this month has got to be Foxnews.com’s, “Scientists Study Violent Winds of Uranus.”
Please note that I have elected to NOT write a blog post about this very fascinating story even though the first line of said article reads,
“Screaming winds of infernal violence alternate with periods of dead calm as one nears the surface of Uranus, according to a new analysis of the gas giant.”
because doing so might give the accurate impression that my maturity level is somewhere between a sixth-grade boy’s health class and a Pauly Shore movie.
So rather than dwell on my extreme adolescent childishness, I am instead going to focus on the startling fact that it is possible for one to be so darned good-looking that it is impossible to be a productive member of society. Continue reading
Okay, so I’m torqued, ticked, teed, and my O is P’d. I’m going ballistic, nuclear and postal all at the same time which is causing my knickers to get all twisty and the area directly under my collar to get uncomfortably warm. I’m fed up, fired up, riled up, worked up and so up in arms that I belong in a deodorant commercial. I’m in a huff inside a snit enclosed in a tizzy. I’m steamed and amped and at the end of both my rope and my wits resulting in my being bent out of shape. When I cross the border into nearby Wisconsin, I am cheesed.
The reason that I’m throwing things like fits, conniptions, and tantrums is that I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired of being oppressed. That’s right, I’m being oppressed!
For those of you who are unaware, I fall into a segment of the population at large that is discriminated against almost as much as ugly people: I am an introvert. Continue reading
I will admit that as this new year begins, my nerves are more frazzled than Gary Busey trying to program a VCR. The reason for my significant apprehensive trepidation is that I’m pretty sure I’m about to lose my job, which will significantly reduce the opportunities I have to drink free coffee and/or surf the net. This deduction stems from a couple of recent hard-hitting news stories that lead me to believe I have enough strikes against me to be mistaken for a public school system. Continue reading
People are having entirely too much fun these days. Luckily we have 24-hour news channels to keep us somber. And rainy days and Mondays. And celery.
I read somewhere that you burn more calories in the process of eating celery than the celery actually provides, so if you were to eat an all-celery diet you would eventually come to resemble an Olsen twin. Studies show that this is why God created celery in the shape of a U: to make it conveniently capable of containing a substance that would effectively kill its taste and provide fleeting pleasure, like peanut butter or some sort of manufactured cheese product in a can. But I digress… Continue reading
Posted in The Petri Dish
- Tagged ACLU, Bowling Alone, celery, daddy-daughter dance ban, discrimination, humor, Rhode Island, Robert D. Putnam, satire, society, stereotypes