Category Archives: Party TIMe

Politicians, Government, and the loathing

The Red, The White Guy, and The Blue

Once again it is the worst couple of weeks in television history. No, I’m not talking about Irritating PBS Fundraiser Time where a television network that exists solely due to our tax dollars seeks even more donations in order to bring you Daniel O’Donnell concert reruns, I’m talking about Presidential Political Convention Season where garment-renting and teeth-gnashing is not just a job, but a way of life.

Presidential political conventions used to be where a party gathered around a platform to adopt a platform and formally decide who their nomination for president would be, but have since morphed into a ceremonial, highly-scripted reason to wear goofy hats. Continue reading →

Ryan’s Song

It’s finally happened. The Bon Jovi songs I knew and loved in college have been transformed into lounge-lizard orchestral elevator muzak. I found myself humming “Whoa-oa, we’re half-way there” as I passed the sixth floor on my way to the twelfth. This is a sure sign that I am aging.  Another one is that…

Well, I can’t remember right now, but a third one is that someone out there is looking to run the free world who is (ulp) younger than I am.

Unless you reside under a rock or perhaps work for the New York Times, you have probably heard that Slick Mitt from Mich and Mass is seeking help with his perennial presidential bid from Paul Ryan, a green-horned baby-face with way too much hair and less body fat than a 2×4. Continue reading →

Let Them Eat (Urinal) Cake

Here we are coming off the big 4th of July weekend, even though the 4th was on a Wednesday and about as far from a weekend as it can get. For you home-schoolers, the 4th of July is known as Independence Day and is two days after the day in 1776 whereon we declared our independence from exorbitant taxation and government intrusion by the British, asserting instead that we could in fact do these thing just fine by ourselves, thankyouverymuch.

It all started when King Curious George, Roman Numeral III imposed the Stamp Act Continue reading →

Explaining Lawn Care Reform

Like most people these days, I grew up as a small child. I remember when things used to cost a nickel, like bubble gum or an eye-dropper of gasoline. If you were to ask my grandparents, they could go out to dinner with a nickel and have enough left over to buy a Model T. But not anymore. About all you can get for a nickel today is another nickel. Inflation over the years has inflated a number of things including prices, costs, and a surprising amount of giant ugly Christmas lawn ornaments.

Foremost on everybody’s mind, however, is the soaring cost of lawn care. Continue reading →

Jumping on the Banwagon

It has been reported that New York City Mayor Michael “So Rich Nothing Really Matters Anymore” Bloomberg intends to seek a ban on selling soda in containers larger than 16 ounces. This of course is a ban on drinking soda and not baking soda, which is not to be confused with baking powder, which is almost like cornstarch, but not really. And of course, when I speak of cornstarch it is not to be confused with ironing starch, though I’ve heard you can use cornstarch to iron your shirts which goes a long way in explaining why the leaves on corn stalks are so crisp and wrinkle-free. Continue reading →