With apologies to Lee Greenwood (background music Lynx):
If the line is around the corner,
You’d think they’d spring to life.
And help me get home again
To see my children and my wife.
But just one checkpoint’s open;
I’ve been standin’ here all day.
I could sure go for a Starbucks,
But they’d just take that away.
And I’m proud to be an American,
Where at least I know I’m free.
Unless I’m about to board a plane,
–Then I’m assumed guilty. Continue reading
Studies show that using the phrase ‘studies show’ is one of the most effective ways to appear like you know what you are talking about. For example, if I were to say, “I can eat pudding through my nose” you might acknowledge my statement as somewhat nauseating. But if I were to say, “Studies show I can eat pudding through my nose” you would have to acknowledge my statement as a scientific fact that is somewhat nauseating. Continue reading
There are a significant number of words and phrases out there that strike dread in the hearts of the American citizen: words like “Jihad” or “Ebola Virus” or “Next…on The Bachelor.” Luckily, we have the Department of Homeland Security to protect us from such contemptible utterances.
You remember the Department of Homeland Security… Continue reading
Three of my absolutely favorite things are golf, good coffee, and cats. Except cats. I don’t like cats. It’s nothing personal, it’s just that cats often exhibit the same behaviors I find disagreeable in people–things like arrogance, aloofness, and pooping in sandboxes. Continue reading
Today I attempt a “travelogue,” an effort to treat you with my exploits in travel. This is not to be confused with a “pecan log” which is a treat you purchase while you travel past your local Stuckey’s. (Ha! Just kidding; there’s no such thing as a “local Stuckey’s.” All Stuckey’s are somewhere else. “Local Stuckey’s” is an oxymoron–like saying “jumbo shrimp” or “distinguished senator.”) Continue reading
conTIMplating 