During this season of frosty snowmen, resting gentlemen and geese getting fat, may the ring-ting-tingling of silver bells deck your halls with such ding-donging merrily on high that good king Wenceslas comes a-wassailing and may your lovely branches be just like the ones you used to know. And while you’re rockin’ around the Christmas tree with Parson Brown and your mommy’s kissing Santa Claus amidst delightful fires, may you remember that silent, holy night in the little town of Bethlehem that brought joy to the world. In other words… Continue reading
Category Archives: Potpourrhetoric
A category of the uncategorizable
Just Say No to Rugs
Now that I’m into my mid-forties, I am looking for ideas on what to do for my mid-life crisis that 20 years from now I can look back on and say, “Wow, was that ever a mid-life crisis!” I’m talking crazy, dangerous things like juggling flaming machetes or switching to briefs.
One idea I’ve had is to get my iPhone out and use my Sprint service to get my Facebook friends together and go to Sears to purchase a bunch of Columbia tents, then pitch them in a public park while we survive on Starbucks and Kraft Mac’n’Cheese cooked over a Coleman stove in our soggy Levi’s and Patagonia rain coats in the hopes of getting ABC, NBC or CBS to cover us as we rail against evil corporations. But somebody’s already done that. Continue reading
Happy Birthday to Me!
I had a birthday last week that put me over the top from forty-something to forty-something + 1 and entrenched me even more firmly into the despairing chasm that is middle age. Middle age is that time in life where you are at the half-way mark from birth to death and your focus transitions from things like wondering whether or not the chicks dig you to things like wondering whether or not you turned off the iron or whether or not you are getting enough dietary fiber.
I admit that I have of late been noticing such signs of aging: my menus are getting further away, my socks are getting darker, and the phrase “feeling your oats” has taken on a whole different meaning. Continue reading
Hey There Pneumonia
How’s my week going, you ask? With apologies to Plain White T’s (background music lynx)
Hey there pneumonia, you sure bring me lots of pity
My strength is all gone away
My appetite is itty-bitty, yes it’s true
Fluid in my lungs is chartreuse
It makes me spew
Hey there pneumonia, I am privy to your mission
To confine me to my bedroom
Watching day-time television, I’m real bored
With reruns of Mary Tyler Moore
And Jersey Shore Continue reading
The Mall? Rats!
Like many people, my family and I have been sitting on pins and needles awaiting the Supreme Court’s healthcare ruling. But, being sickened by the healthcare wait and desperately wanting a more comfortable seat, we loaded up the truck last Saturday and went to the mall.
Normally I consider a trip to the mall about as much fun as watching one of Lana Del Rey’s live performances, and this day was atypically normal. I think all malls should be named Darth. Continue reading
conTIMplating 