Hey there pneumonia, you sure bring me lots of pity
My strength is all gone away
My appetite is itty-bitty, yes it’s true
Fluid in my lungs is chartreuse
It makes me spew

Hey there pneumonia, I am privy to your mission
To confine me to my bedroom
Watching day-time television, I’m real bored
With reruns of Mary Tyler Moore
And Jersey Shore

Oh, it’s what you do to me
Oh, I can hardly breathe
Oh, it’s what you do to me
Oh, my fever’s 1-oh-3
Please come change my sheets

Hey there pneumonia, each movement leaves me tired and spent
I’m pinned under seven quilts
Trying to raise my body temp, It’s agony
Worse than Obama and Romney
Ads on TV

Hey there pneumonia, you are ruining my social life
I’ve not had time with my friends
Or biblical knowledge of my wife, It’s sad
That my kids don’t recall their dad
It makes me mad

Oh, it’s what you do to me
Oh, I’m feeling it down deep
Oh, it’s what you do to me
Oh, I want to go to sleep

I took a trip to see the doc
He gave me drugs that were in stock
Then poked and prodded all my openings
My ears my nose my throat my eyes
He just ignored my painful cries and then
Told me all sorts of scary things

“Anti-bodies I give to you
Destined to soften up your stool
And give you nausea as a side-effect”
My week is wrecked

Hey there pneumonia, you are good to make me miss work
But it’s not worth the trade-off
And I sense your knowing smirk, It’s getting old
It’s so much worse than just a cold
‘Cuz when I cough I lose control

Hey there pneumonia I hate you
Wish I could sue

Oh, it’s what you do to me
Oh, I’m absurdly weak
Oh, it’s what you do to me
Oh, I feel like bleepy-bleep
I’m in misery

What’s that ‘whooping’ sound?
I think I have pertussis.
Vaccines all around!
Because I have pertussis…