Three of my absolutely favorite things are golf, good coffee, and cats. Except cats. I don’t like cats. It’s nothing personal, it’s just that cats often exhibit the same behaviors I find disagreeable in people–things like arrogance, aloofness, and pooping in sandboxes. Continue reading
Monthly Archives: May 2012
Tale of the GOATmen
Today I attempt a “travelogue,” an effort to treat you with my exploits in travel. This is not to be confused with a “pecan log” which is a treat you purchase while you travel past your local Stuckey’s. (Ha! Just kidding; there’s no such thing as a “local Stuckey’s.” All Stuckey’s are somewhere else. “Local Stuckey’s” is an oxymoron–like saying “jumbo shrimp” or “distinguished senator.”) Continue reading
Bully For You!
The other day I read how our presumptive redundant presidential nominees have been in imaginary trouble for their respective school-age high-jinks. Slick Mitt from Mich and Mass is reported as providing an unwanted haircut to a victim who is now conveniently dead and whose family has no recollection of the incident. Republicans countered by pointing out that P.BO reported in his own book that, in an uncharacteristic Binky-like moment, he once shoved a little girl in a playground altercation. This, in turn, provoked the Democrats to respond with, “Nanny-nanny boo-boo.” To which the Republicans replied, “I know you are, but what am I?” And so on. Continue reading
Anybody Know a Good Personal Obesity Lawyer?
It pains me to say, but at some indeterminate point in the past, I traded in my washboard stomach for a top-loader. It’s like I accidentally left my six-pack in the car and it got too warm, exploding into an Orson Wellian pear-shaped flesh balloon. –Not that I need to be buried in a piano case or anything, but as a middle-aged archetype, I am admittedly soft in places that were previously not places.
Being fat doesn’t really concern me; four out of five dentists surveyed are also fat. Continue reading
What to Expect When You’re Inspecting
Before getting too deep into the customary claptrap to be discovered on this awesome page of electronic webness, I briefly offer another helping of introductory poppycock, mainly to give a sense of what is to come and because I giggle to myself every time I say ‘poppycock.’ To those 12 of you who read my first entry, don’t have any idea who I am, and have yet returned (you know who you are), I seek to avoid Stranger Danger by offering a little about me personally… Continue reading
conTIMplating 