Category Archives: Tim Traveler

Oh, the places I’ll go!

We Are GAMEY

Supercool photo taken by Thing 1.

Supercool photo taken by Thing 1.

The Red Bike Gang rides again.  You will recall from a previously posted post you probably haven’t read that the males in our family all own red motorcycles and have a nasty habit of annually riding them about the countryside within a 4-day travel radius of the greater Southwestern Michigan area.  This year is no exception as the five of us spent last weekend astride our semi-hoglike two-wheeled vehicles hell-bent for scenic overlooks and home-style diner food.  This is our story.

As the title indicates, during this trip we were GAMEY: Great Apostle Motorcycle Expedition Yahoos.  Our stated goal was the Apostle Islands in northern Wisconsin, where there are 22 islands named for the twelve apostles of Jesus to evidently include some of his lesser-known followers like Stockton and Basswood and Raspberry. Continue reading →

Cruising the Fair Banks of the Chena

This is the Chena River (pronounced “Chee-na”). It is NOT the Chia River. I know this because the woman in front of me kept yelling this at the person behind her because he kept singing “Ch-ch-ch-chena.”

This is the Chena River (pronounced “Chee-na”). It is NOT the Chia River. I know this because the woman in front of me kept yelling this at the person behind her who wouldn’t stop singing “Ch-ch-ch-chena.”

Through no fault of my own, I had some free time in Fairbanks this week.  If you’ve ever been to Fairbanks, you know there are exactly five things to do there: 1) Kayak down the Chena River, 2) Canoe down the Chena River, 3) Bike along the Chena River, 4) Take the Riverboat Discovery Tour along the Chena River, or 5) See a movie.  Having already done 1, 2, 3 and 5 on past visits, I elected to try out 4 even though I would likely be the only patron who hadn’t consumed a Geritol-laced Ensure for breakfast.  So, I set my commemorative Al Roker alarm clock and, after missing the morning sailing, embarked on the afternoon option.

Like all nature tours focused on education and conservation, this one starts and ends in a giant gift shop. Continue reading →

Humuhumunukunukuapua’a. That’s What She Said.

In the spirit of needing more action and adventure in my blog, this week I will relay a recent incident in which I narrowly escaped death and then again defied the same death at the hands of The Queen Mother as a result of participating in the previously stated escape from said death.

So I’m hiking along this trail in the mountains just north of Honolulu…If you have ever been to Honolulu, you know what it’s like to have to get out of Honolulu and its innumerable tourists, oriental cuisine combined with Spam, and Don Ho wannabes.  I often do just that, heading out on the highway and looking for adventure by climbing around the Mauka Trail System and its fascinating array of whimsical ecosystems.  One good hike takes you from the backyards of Japanese immigrants to piney woodlands to rainy jungles to huge bamboo forests that are utterly awesome because they can really creep you out on a windy day with all their clacking and smacking and raucous bamboo clacky-smackiness. Continue reading →

Cracking Yolks About Frying Eggs

Well, we are seven inches from the midday sun here in Minnesota, which basically means that we stop rooting for global warming for a couple of days, hang out in the frozen foods section, and talk to each other about the weather without the awkwardness of feeling like we don’t really have anything meaningful to talk about.

At least it’s not stupid hot like it has been in the Southwest of These United States lately.  They have been under repeated heat warnings such that the deaths of everyone over the age of 90 are blamed on the extreme temperatures.  In fact, it has been so hot in Death Valley National Park that officials there have had to entreat visitors there to please not fry eggs on the roadside pavement.  And while I admittedly have a penchant for making stuff up, this story happens to be true.  I know this because I saw it on the internet. Continue reading →

Lucky 7 Reasons I Hate Las Vegas

Vegas, Baby, Yeah! My kids must live here. All the lights are on. Stolen from wikipedia.com

Vegas, Baby, Yeah! My kids must live here. All the lights are on. Stolen from wikipedia.org

I am going to admit right now that I am not a fan of Vegas:  Susan Vega, Chevy Vega, Vega from Street Fighter, etc.  I suppose the Vega Rocket is pretty cool, but that’s only because it’s a rocket.  Neither do I care for Las Vegas, which is Spanish for “The Vegas.”  My job takes me to Las Vegas fairly regularly and thankfully, it more often than not takes me out again.  Rarely do I look forward to visiting for a number of reasons, and that number is Lucky 7—not to be confused with Lucy 7, the episode where Lucy reads the wrong horoscope for the day and she ruins Ricky’s business deals as a result.  Hilarity ensues. Continue reading →