Save the Animals! Ban Environmentalists!

I remember as a kid listening to ‘Animal Stories,’ a regular feature on WLS Radio in Chicago whereon two DJs known as ‘Uncle Larry’ and ‘Li’l Snot-nosed Tommy’ would bring all the low-information voters up-to-date on actual happenings in and around the monarchial animal kingdom.  Usually, said stories consisted of how a certain animal came to meet its unfortunate and untimely death in a bizarrely humorous and/or particularly grisly manner.

For example, Uncle Larry might tell Li’l Tommy about how the key to the city was given to a cat for saving its owner’s life then at the ceremony, the cat scratches the mayor as it is being held up to the crowd and in painful surprise is subsequently dropped into an operating wood chipper; or maybe how a black bear was shot by a neighborhood-watching brown bear who was reported on the news as being a polar bear further fomenting the whole bear-relations situation to where it was unbearable. Continue reading

Humuhumunukunukuapua’a. That’s What She Said.

In the spirit of needing more action and adventure in my blog, this week I will relay a recent incident in which I narrowly escaped death and then again defied the same death at the hands of The Queen Mother as a result of participating in the previously stated escape from said death.

So I’m hiking along this trail in the mountains just north of Honolulu…If you have ever been to Honolulu, you know what it’s like to have to get out of Honolulu and its innumerable tourists, oriental cuisine combined with Spam, and Don Ho wannabes.  I often do just that, heading out on the highway and looking for adventure by climbing around the Mauka Trail System and its fascinating array of whimsical ecosystems.  One good hike takes you from the backyards of Japanese immigrants to piney woodlands to rainy jungles to huge bamboo forests that are utterly awesome because they can really creep you out on a windy day with all their clacking and smacking and raucous bamboo clacky-smackiness. Continue reading