Happy New Year!  Today marks the beginning of a new tradition here at conTIMplating that is bound to last upwards of one year in a row!  In the past, during the last week of the year, I have daily posted on my personal Facebook wall hi-lights of the previous year in terms of ‘Best ofs’ such as Best Book Read or Best Movie Seen or Best Comeback Thought Of A Week Later or Best Abbreviation For A Latin Phrase Meaning ‘And So Forth’, etc., etc.

To illustrate my desire for equality and unity, I have decided to yoke said numerous wall posts together into one culminating conglomerate blog post that singularly covers my multiple personally favored favorites of this past year entitled

The Best of TIMs Best of 2014 (see above)

Now I realize that we are over a full week into 2015 and I am a bit tardy in my 2014 summation, but I thought it prudent to wait at least long enough for people to write the correct year on their checks.  Perhaps more accurate is that my inspirational motivation to post has been once again outwitted by my intense procrastinationary laziness.  Anyway…my picks for 2014 are…

Best Book Read, Fiction: The Help by Kathryn Stockett.  Even though Stockett has ruined chocolate pie for me, I hope my first novel is this good.  I hope any of my novels are this good.  For the record, I do not anticipate writing any novels so I guess what I am saying is that this book is even better than any of my imaginary novels.  I saw the movie when it came out a couple of years ago and it was so fantastic I gained 15 pounds.  (Admittedly, it is up for debate whether this was caused by the movie or not.  Evidently correlation does not equal causation.  Whatever.)  I just got around to reading the book this fall and I have to say, even as good as it is, The Help enters the minority ranks of Movies That Are Actually Better Than The Book, joining the likes of Ben Hur, A Christmas Story, and Frankenhooker.

Best Book Read, Non-Fiction:  A Public Faith by Miroslav Volf.  Volf is my favorite living theologian and I am perfectly willing to accept that I am so utterly nerdy that I have a favorite living theologian.  Volf is also my Australian Shepherd’s  favorite theologian because Volf is the only one he can come close to pronouncing correctly.  In this book, Volf tackles the trend in our culture to privatize religion due to it increasingly being seen as a source of bias.  Because non-religious people are always so completely objective.

Best Culinary Experience: The Lobster Thing at Ingredients Café in White Bear Lake, Minnesota.  Ingredients is our second favorite local masticating locale and is conveniently named after the stuff they actually put into their dishes so it’s easy to remember.  They had a special one time that was recognizable lobster parts served over some sort of potato and veggie ragout topped with a kind of unhealthy goo sauce.  We don’t remember what it was called officially, but we still talk about it and wish they would bring it back to better abet our gluttonous gourmandizing.  Plus I enjoy saying ragout.

Best Movie Seen:  Captain Phillips.  Tom Hanks was Wile E. Coyote super-genius stud actor as the captain of a freighter ship that gets hijacked by Somali immigrants from Minnesota.  Okay, so Captain Phillips didn’t come out last year; I saw it on Amazon for a nominal fee.  I don’t go to many movies in the theater, mainly because they are crap.  This year was no exception; pretty much all of the ones I saw in the theater this year were so lame they needed a walker on tennis balls to get around.  Captain America was pretty good I guess, if you can get past his goofy swim-cap helmet thing.  Also, I have been told that I somewhat resemble Chris Evans, who plays Captain America.  Probably because we have similar body types.  Probably.

Best Family Outing:  This summer we loaded up the truck and went to dinner, then to see My Fair Lady at the Guthrie Theater in Minneapolis, which was supremely excellent—especially since Thing 1 had an internship at said theater and scored us free tickets.  Free things are usually better than non-free things.  Just a little rule I have that I try to live by.  Being secure enough in my manhood to admit that nothing gets me going like a rollicking showtune, I loved the production but was slightly disappointed to find the plot had nothing to do with the destruction and/or repair of the London Bridge.

Best Golf Course Played: Kauai Lagoons in Lihue, Kauai.  Despite Lihue sounding like what you would do if something was stuck in your throat, it has some great golf.  Kauai Lagoons is a Jack Nicklaus design with 27 holes, most of which still echo with my cursing.  The Kiele Moana nine is best, as it is along and sometimes over (or in my case in) the ocean and offers views that make you forget you are playing like a drunken epileptic.  I think the Kiele Mauka nine is actually more difficult than the ocean nine however, because of all the vowels.  The fifth hole is downright ridicklaus.

And since it’s my blog and I can cry if I want to…

Best Blog Post: Am I Racist If My School Only Has Two Colors?  This evaluation arises entirely from my own opinion and is not to be confused with my most popular posts, which I suppose is determined by most views (Icy What You Did There) or most shares (This Is One Big-Ash Wednesday!).  If you have a favorite, feel free to comment and I will personally congratulate you.  Thanks for reading this year and feeding my neurotic need for approval.

Love,

TIM