Is Donald Trump Comparable to Jesus? Yes. Yes He Is.

If there is one thing this highly entertaining and yet disturbing political season in America has taught me, it’s that Donald Trump is pretty much just like Jesus.  And Martin Luther King of course, but mostly Jesus.  I got this information from a mister Jerry Falwell, Jr. who is a reverend and so obviously knows what he’s talking about.  You know Jerry, I’m sure.  He is president of the ironically named ‘Liberty’ University, known for its rather lengthy and comprehensive list of student restrictions.

He is also the son of the very postmortem Jerry Falwell, Sr., coincidentally of the same name and who also had a penchant for comparing people to Jesus, which proves once and for all that comical hyperbolic comparisons are hereditary.  For example, JF Sr. once declared that Oliver North was like Jesus.  This comparison evidently stemmed from a little-known scripture passage found in Jerry’s own handwriting:

Now the Son of Man did sell the arms and diverteth the manna toward the peoples of the south such that they could make battle.  And the Sanhedrin did question him saying, “Didst thou not sell the arms and diverteth the manna toward the peoples of the south such that they could make battle?”  And he said unto them, “Lo, I did NOT  sell the arms and diverteth the manna toward the peoples of the south such that they could make battle.”  And the Son of Man was placed in prison and did seek to raise funds to himself become of the Sanhedrin.

But I digress.

I guess if one wanted waste one’s time being truthful, what JF Jr. actually said about Trump was, “Donald Trump lives a life of loving and helping others as Jesus taught in the Great Commandment.”   Admittedly, while laughably stupid, this statement is a far cry from comparing The Donald to Jesus.  But the media is running with it and since I guess this bitty bloggy-blog is a form of media, I thought I’d jump on the unaccountable bandwagon and do a little research to better perpetuate the growing week-old legend.  So I did.  And what I found is astounding.

Besides giving good dap and considering themselves to be the Messiah, there are a number of similarities between Trump and Jesus that are downright eerie.  The most obvious is that both went through what is known as a transfiguration, or transformation.  We are familiar with the story of Jesus going to the mountain top and meeting up with Elijah and Moses, but did you know that the story of Trump’s transformation is similar?

Several days before the caucus, Trump brought his disciples to Iowa.  And while he was speaking, the appearance of his history became different and he was transfigured before them; and his garments became as that of a conservative evangelical Christian.   And behold two men appeared in glory and were talking with him; and they were Rick Santorum and Huckabee.  And one of his disciples said, “It is good for us to be here; let us make three podiums, one for you and one for Santorum and one for Huckabee.”  For he was terrified at what he had seen and did not know what to say.

This of course is a loose translation, but it happened nonetheless.  It’s on YouTube.

And check out these other uncanny similarities:  Both Jesus and Trump travel around making speeches.  It’s true.  And both have messages that are pretty hard to understand; Jesus because it’s difficult to decipher his parables and Trump because it’s difficult to decipher his train of thought.  Neither are afraid to challenge the establishment.  Coincidence?  And get this: both were given precious metals at birth; Jesus gold and Trump a silver spoon.

Both want his followers to be exclusive and committed.  Both are either loved or reviled.  Both have been tempted.  And neither is afraid of heaping woes on his enemies.  Jesus set the example and forgave the woman caught in adultery; Trump took it even further and married her.  Twice.

I could go on, but the evidence is clear.  One can only conclude that JF, Jr. was right and that Donald Trump and Jesus are more or less the same, which he never claimed but, you know…media.  In fact, if it weren’t for their thoughts on God, sin, salvation, scripture, discipleship, worship, faith, charity, power, prestige, politics, women, business, money, humility, war, race, religion, the poor, the disabled, the church, the past, the future, forgiveness, service, justice, community, morality and love, I wouldn’t be able to tell them apart.

 

#OscarsSoNotMe

So I’ve decided to boycott the Oscars this year. I categorically am stating to you, the reader, and all the world for that matter, this simple fact: I will not be attending next month’s Academy Awards. (Excuse me for a moment…GMA is about to call.) The primary reason, of course, is that I was not invited. Again. Plus I am somewhat disgusted by their egoistic self-congratulatory nature. And once the opening monologue is over, they are about as interesting as C-SPAN at 2 a.m. after a couple doses of NyQuil. But those are only the main reasons.

The host of secondary reasons I will be shunning the seemingly unshunnable include the fact that the extensive list of nominees is about as diverse as a Northern Wisconsin deer camp. Scanning the list, I almost feel as if I am not welcome into the community. Nowhere is there anyone who looks like me. Nowhere is there a Continue reading

The Chronicles of Hernia

According to a number of movies from the 40s and 50s, Christmas is a warm, wonderful time to gather with loved ones and sing carols, exchange gifts, and eat goodies—much like it was in first-century Palestine. And so, I thought to myself, what more appropriate time  than that of joyous celebratory yuletidiness to have an abdominal mesh inserted into my nether regions?  I went to see my doctor about just such a possibility.

For those unfamiliar, such a mesh is the long-term fix for what is known in medical jargon as a ‘hernia’. For laymen and Jim Fowler fans, a hernia is not a wheezy African dog; that would be a laughing hernia, which are more painful than a coughing hernia but less painful than a sneezing hernia. A medical hernia is Continue reading

The Best of TIM’s Best of 2015

Happy New Year!  Here’s hoping that your arbitrarily chosen day celebrating the interminable passage of time was filled with all the whimsicality such inconsequential festivity deserves!  And what better way to mark such an insignificant festal period than to also mark the best of the best of one’s experiences contained within that very same random twelve month period?!

And so here it is:  the enormously personal and subjective and somewhat recommendary listing of my favorite happenings of the very comma-filled foregoing, that is, previous, year, namely, the second annual

The Best of TIM’s Best of 2015 (see above)

Starting with… Continue reading

Welcome to the Fourth Year of My Blog. I Apologize.

Hello.  My name is Tim.  Welcome to the fourth year of my blog.  Please do not be offended.  I apologize.

So here we are again.  Those who consider themselves regular readers of this electronic page of web-based wonderment are kidding themselves because one cannot be a regular reader of something that does not regularly exist.  Such is the case with this virtual locale of computerized verbosity, as I have lamentably not posted in nearly a year.

I would like to blame my lack of typeset activity on a sudden and debilitating mandoline tragedy, but alas, I am not that lucky.  It is instead the case Continue reading