Cruisin’ for a Bruisin’

Every four years or so we find it necessary as a familial unit to escape the borders of this great country of ours and venture out into foreign lands by way of some sort of ridiculously monstrous cruise ship. (The fact that such excursions coincide with Presidential Party Convention Season is purely coincidental by design.) This year found us battling Hurricane Isaac (named for the affable Love Boat bartender) while trolling about The Bahamas, a chain of islands off the coast of Florida best known for their mamas and the Utterly Unaffordable Atlantis Paradise Resort. Continue reading

Anybody Know a Good Personal Obesity Lawyer?

It pains me to say, but at some indeterminate point in the past, I traded in my washboard stomach for a top-loader. It’s like I accidentally left my six-pack in the car and it got too warm, exploding into an Orson Wellian pear-shaped flesh balloon. –Not that I need to be buried in a piano case or anything, but as a middle-aged archetype, I am admittedly soft in places that were previously not places.

Being fat doesn’t really concern me; four out of five dentists surveyed are also fat. Continue reading