There is an utterly tragic story out of Texas this week. A woman’s buttocks was (were?) severely burned during a Dallas Cowboys scrimmage game last year. The imagination runs wild when considering how this could have possibly happened, butt let me assure you: a butane lighter was not involved.
The woman’s name is Jenelle, however in order to protect her privacy and dignity we will henceforth refer to her as Hot Hynie Blister Bottom, or HHBB for short. Continue reading
It’s finally happened. The Bon Jovi songs I knew and loved in college have been transformed into lounge-lizard orchestral elevator muzak. I found myself humming “Whoa-oa, we’re half-way there” as I passed the sixth floor on my way to the twelfth. This is a sure sign that I am aging. Another one is that…
Well, I can’t remember right now, but a third one is that someone out there is looking to run the free world who is (ulp) younger than I am.
Unless you reside under a rock or perhaps work for the New York Times, you have probably heard that Slick Mitt from Mich and Mass is seeking help with his perennial presidential bid from Paul Ryan, a green-horned baby-face with way too much hair and less body fat than a 2×4. Continue reading
San Fran’s skyline is easily recognizable by the Transamerica Pyramid, which points toward the cost of living there.
Among my favorite West Coast cities are Seattle, San Francisco, San Diego, and Muskegon, the second of which is today’s topic for the simple reason that it is the one in which I am currently located. San Francisco, or as the Spanish like to call it, “San Francisco,” is built on a hilly peninsula in Northern California (a.k.a. whine country) and is named for Francis of Assisi, who was a Saint and yet a big 49ers fan. Continue reading
So I’m sitting in front of the TV the other day watching The Hobbit — I mean, The Muppet Show — I mean, the Opening Ceremonies of the Olympics, and I couldn’t help but think that perhaps Salome had squandered her wish on John the Baptist when she could have saved us all some horrendous agony by asking for Matt Lauer’s tongue on a platter. Continue reading
There is a problem within our communities that is growing like a pimple on the derriere of society. It seems there are youths living among us who infiltrate our school systems and, after several years of intense study, come to be known as…Valedictorians.
Your mind is no doubt reeling at this scandalous revelation. Some of you are in denial: “Surely not our schools.” Some are angry: “How could we have let this happen?” And some of you simply choose to ignore it: “How about that Downton Abbey?” Do what you will but this is a problem that, like Madonna, refuses to go away. Continue reading
conTIMplating 