If you’re like me, you have recently been the victim of election results and the resultant celebratory and/or petulant result punditry that has so many people looking up the word ‘petulant’ these days. The bottom line is that the country has turned more red than an embarrassed Lenin with measles, and the egocentric pundits keep trying to wrap their giant heads around the question of why as they lie awake at night tossing and turning on their freakishly enormous pillows.

I am admittedly no political expert, but I have a theory as to the cause of the country’s sudden erythema which, at the risk of being reported to whitehouse.gov, I will share in a certain familiar poetic/musical form. Before beginning however, I must admit that 1) I am actually a bit ashamed of how much time I spent writing this post and that b) I have discovered a newfound respect for Billy Joel, even though he has two first names. So with apologies to Mr. Joel, here is

O. Didn’t Start the Fire

(Karaoke lynx here)

Cash for clunkers, Hope and Change, Bill Ayers, Health Exchange
Open borders, Kevin Jennings, Jeremiah Wright
Putin’s eatin’ Kiev chicken, Food stamp applications quicken
New Party, Tea Party, Incandescent light

L.G. Chem, ACORN, Regulators watching porn
Pull the troops from Iraq, Oopsy now we’re going back
Never waste a crisis, Not at war with ISIS
Delphi pensions, Cold War tensions, You didn’t build that

O. didn’t start the fire
But he surely fanned it
While the press just pandered
O. didn’t start the fire
His administration
Wants to change the nation

Nobel Peace Prize, Harry Reid, Bypass congress, Benghazi
If you like it you can keep it, Rahm Emanuel
Bonuses for AIG, Only racists disagree
Tofu lunches, ‘RSPECT’ is hard to spell

Kathleen Sebelius, Trillion-dollar stimulus
Red line is drawn in the sand, Russia’s the one with the plan
Fort Hood, Gibson Raid, Credit rating downgrade
Rationed health, Spread the wealth, Salutes with a latte

O. didn’t start the fire
But he surely fanned it
While the press just pandered
O. didn’t start the fire
He’s at Martha’s Vineyard
Or a Wall St. dinner

Bitter ones cling to guns, Trayvon could have been my son
Van Jones, Snowden sings, Bow to the Saudi Kings
Stimulus wrought with fraud, Taliban for Bergdahl
Sotomayor is a judge, Unemployment numbers fudge

O. O. O.
Lois Lerner pleads the 5th, healthcare savings myth
Younger ones pay for old; That’s why they won’t enroll
Inhaled frequently, Cambridge cops act stupidly
Corporate bailouts, Press phones, Advisors in the Congo

O. didn’t start the fire
But he surely fanned it
While the press just pandered
O. didn’t start the fire
N.S.A. is spying
And the A.G.’s lying

Joe Sestak, Sue Rice, lay a wreath, “Jesus Christ!”
Drone strikes, Ron Kirk, Sign-up website won’t work
Closed-down memorials, Scathing editorials
Choom Gang, Common raps, Warrant-less wiretaps
Truth squads, Robert Gates, Second highest corporate rates
So B.K. moves away, What else do I have to say?

O. didn’t start the fire
But he surely fanned it
While the press just pandered
O. didn’t start the fire
Missing mail and faxes
Timmy Geithner’s taxes

Secret Service having sex, John Nelson and Landrieu bought
Shovel-ready projects not as ready as we thought
Czar appointments with no vote, Subsidizing all Volts
Writing pen pals in Iran, Double-down Afghanistan

Carney said “I never lied”, Military suicides
Chinese debts, Screw the vets, Crazy immigration mess
The beheading down in Moore, Banning drilling that’s offshore
Carbon credits, Common Core, I can’t take it anymore!

O. didn’t start the fire
But he surely fanned it
While the press just pandered
O. didn’t start the fire
But when he is gone
We will still pay on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on…

O. didn’t start the fire
But he surely fanned it
While the press just pandered
O. didn’t start the fire
Concerned more with optics
Than news catastrophic

O. didn’t start the fire
But he surely fanned it
While the press just pandered
O. didn’t start the fire
Ebola deployments
And recess appointments

O. didn’t start the fire…

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Update/Post Script:  Due to the immense popularity of this parody (obviously not indicated by fellow blogger likes–not that I’ve noticed or anything thankyouverymuch), in the election spirit I have personally elected to use my remaining notes and offer up a couple of bonus verses. Call it a remix option. You’re welcome.

1.
Eric Holder in contempt, Healthcare authors are exempt
D.H.S. is buying bullets, Attkisson is hacked
Abound Solar, Jack Lew, Jon Gruber, Steven Chu
Lobbyists at Caribou, Libya attacked

How you say in Austrian? Netanyahu’s poultry dung
It’s not a tax, It is a tax, ECOtality
Egypt gets some F-16s, Here’s an iPod for The Queen
After re-election, I’ll have more flexibility

2.
Historical transparency, George Soros, So sue me
Fisker Auto, Rancher standoff, Shooting all the time
Twenty-five hundred savings, Indefinite detaining
Boeing Carolina plant, Ignore Black Panther crime

Mandatory birth control unconstitutional
I’ll close Gitmo in a year, Six years later it’s still here
Solyndra will lead the way, RINOs will not have their say
Shut down the government and then give in anyway!